RuiXue's blog

One week left!

2012-01-21T16:42:00.001+01:00

A lot has been happening since my last post. Think I mentioned last time how it had been decided I'd move back to my hometown soon. Well, that soon came very soon! I signed contract for a one room apartment in my hometown earlier in January while I was still up at my parents place, and I'm leaving Copenhagen next Saturday! The weather seems to be fine next weekend and there's available trailers so my parents are coming down to Copenhagen to help me move out of my current apartment and transport me and all the things the 250miles (400km) to my hometown. I'm feeling a bit stressed at the moment because there's so much to remember and do before moving, especially since I'm moving so far and to another country. I'll move to my home country, but still another country from where I'm living now so there's some extra paperwork involved compared to moving within a country. Considering I have some health issues, there's also a lot to deal with medical wise, needing to make sure my medical records are sent over to the doctors in Sweden and such. It will be kinda sad leaving my current doctor because she's really good, one of those rare doctors who really listens to patients and don't assume chronic pain patients wants painkillers for the rush. Many Swedish doctors are complete assholes as far as pain relief goes. Chronic pain patients are assumed to be drug addicts and doctors keep lecturing about the dangers of using opiates. Well, I'm sure everyone living with pain who has been or is using opiates are well aware of the risks it involves and no one chooses to need that kind of medicine! Personally, I don't like to take painkillers, but sometimes my brain just kinda short circuits from the pain and then I have no choice but resorting to painkillers for a while until I can handle it again. I have been on Fentanyl patches, Fentanyl is probably one of the most addictive painkillers out there and it should be respected and used carefully. I was on the patches for about 1.5 month and then I quit, just quit! No withdrawal symptoms or anything, so if a doctor begins to lecture me about opiate use, they can just take that lecture and shove it up their butt! I do not get addicted to any medicine and never have! BUT I'm hoping to not need to go back to strong opiates, I even feel it's bad enough taking Tramadol every once in a while. But yeah, sometimes I have to, to function. The Swedish doctors view on painkillers does make me a bit nervous though. Will I be able to get the right help if hitting the high numbers on the pain scale?On the other hand, the only thing I have in Denmark now is my doctor and she can't help me with anything else than pain relief when needed since the doctors she's sent me to has refused to give a proper diagnose. The chances of getting a proper diagnose might be better in Sweden... I have a name of a doctor in Sweden I'll ask for a referral to. So as you can see, it's a bit complicated. But I'm sure everything will be fine once I'm back in Sweden and everything. Right now my brain is just doing the spin cycles like a washing machine with everything I need to remember and do before moving. That, plus adding as much workout as I can handle each day AND packing and preparing at home. The other day I walked at least 6.5 miles, that's over 10km. I like to do such things, even though it really takes a toll on my body! I might be pushing myself a bit too much these days, but will have one thing less to do once I've moved and unpacked my belongings in the new apartment. After that I can focus on loosing weight and working out even more than I do now! And I won't need to save my energy for other things, I can use it all up on working out! I have a fair bit of weight to loose still and I am going to succeed! NOT going to let my crappy joints stop me from reaching that goal!

It's been a while again.

2011-11-12T21:22:00.001+01:00

I haven't blogged anything lately. Guess I've just been too busy or not in the mood or not known what to write. Thing is, I don't really know what to write today either, I just thought I'd give you all a brief update on things.Or well... A lot has changed lately! I won't be studying in Lund and I will be moving back to my hometown as soon as I possibly can- I'm currently in Q for an apartment there. My health situation is scaring people who care about me. I can't be this far away from family all by myself. In the past few weeks I have had dizzy episodes with loss of vision and hearing and numbness of arms and legs, it's by pure will power I managed to not pass out! My doctor and I are currently trying to find out what's causing me to nearly pass out. It has been happening from time to time since my teens, but it's gotten worse now. I will wear a heart monitor for three days in beginning of December, maybe that will give some more answers, a regular EKG didn't say much last week. Joints are still as loose and floppy, my net sister even suggested I look into getting a wheelchair before I have to have one. Not too sure what to think about it really. I prefer to not even wear braces on my joints and I am constantly fighting the will to just rip the Fentanyl patch off and not put another one on because I hate them for what they are! The patches helps, but I simply just HATE being on those damn narcotics! I've been on the patches for little more than a month now. It makes me feel better, but I'm still hoping to just learn to live with the pain because I do not want to be on painkillers!Oh, and study wise, Gothenburg University will have to do as it is within commuting distance from my hometown (about 40 minutes by train from hometown to Gothenburg). I'm not too happy about that, but it's a good school too so I'll have to live with it...

Takida- Curly Sue

2011-10-03T01:14:00.000+02:00

Just wanted to share this amazing song :)

A random post at 3:30am

2011-08-22T03:24:00.002+02:00

Haven't had the best of days study wise. Been difficult to focus and keep forgetting things all the time. Hate when that happens! Makes me feel more stupid than a 5 year old :( For a while I was even seriously considering to hit myself in the head with the books. That approach has helped in the past. I was hit in the head with an Atlas in 4th grade, after that I scored top marks on all geography tests ;)

Don't worry, I ended up not hitting myself in the head with my books today. I have enough headache as it is!

Oh, and it's another night of insomnia. I think I may as well enter the lottery soon and move west, maybe I'd get normal sleeping habits then!

Been a few days...

2011-08-19T23:14:00.002+02:00

I haven't blogged for a few days now and for a good reason. My EDS or HMS is flaring, making my joints hurt more than usual along with increased fatigue and increased feeling of instability in my joints. I have been saving my ability to type for chatting with friends rather than updating my blog as my wrists are pretty bad and hands hurt.

To put it simple what this flare does to me: A couple of weeks ago I could easily walk 5-6 miles in one go. Now I nearly fall just by walking from my bedroom to bathroom or kitchen because my left knee and hip is feeling so wobbly.

I miss my long walks now, but other than that this flare doesn't bother me much.

Other than this flare, I'm doing fine. Motivation is still on top and I'm trying to study maths and physics daily, though my body won't currently let me study as much as I'd like.

Hoping my best friend will have bit more time to chat soon. Miss our long chats and talks :(

A short post.

2011-08-13T01:25:00.004+02:00

Sometimes you just can't control your heart's choices.

The positive things greatly outweighs any risks.

It's not without reason I say the things I say.

That is all I have to say today.

Now I shall continue to listen to music.

Planning for the future a bit

2011-08-12T02:03:00.003+02:00

Looking up Universities in Sweden, to see if there are other schools I could imagine studying at. This far Lund University is still my first choice, now closely followed by Uppsala University. Lund is close to where I am now. Uppsala is a bit north of Stockholm on the east coast of Sweden, which would actually mean further away from home than I am now even. On the other hand, Uppsala, like Lund, is famous for the study atmosphere. Both universities are very old, the two oldest in Sweden even and Lund and Uppsala compete against each other a bit, like some of the top Universities in USA does.

I know one thing is for sure anyways. I DO NOT WANT TO STUDY IN STOCKHOLM!

I'm also looking into the possibilities to take part of my education abroad, likely in the USA. Just looking it up a bit when having nothing better to do ;)

Now I shall study some I think. The fact it's 2:09am doesn't mean a thing to me, I'm wide awake.

Well, it's official!

2011-08-04T11:39:00.000+02:00

I'm on sick leave from work until last of September! My doctor agreed it is better for me to rest at home and pace myself as it does make me feel so much better! I'm even able to exercise now, and I do not need to take painkillers!

Other than that, I finally got my books on Tuesday and have started studying maths and physics at home :)

Changes....

2011-08-01T17:59:00.002+02:00

That's it! I've had enough! I'm changing my life, starting yesterday! Not saying more now ;)

People's reaction

2011-07-30T01:27:00.000+02:00

People react rather differently when I tell them about my plans to study and what I want to study. Most people are "Go for it!" and then there are some that look or sound like they've seen a ghost! Seriously, is physics really that scary? Sure, the equations are out of this world, but I personally can't wait until I can read them and understand what they mean!
I find it pretty entertaining to see or hear people's reaction to it all.

As it is today, I can sit and read the texts of theories, but the maths mentioned doesn't make sense, maths is a language I'm not fluent in yet, but I shall get there eventually! I'm determined! I shall learn it all!

Restless...

2011-07-29T01:45:00.000+02:00

I'm still waiting for the books I ordered during the weekend. Apparently my order is being handled now. I Sure hope I'll have those books tomorrow or I probably won't have them until Monday! I just want to start reading!

I'm a pretty restless person. I have to have something to do at all times. I can't just sit and stare at the ceiling. Now when I'm not working (am on sick leave) I'm literally bouncing off the walls if I have a day with nothing to do! Just watching TV or playing games on PS2, PSP or computer just doesn't do it. I need to do something creative, like reading and by that I don't mean reading novels!

On another note, I overdid it today, went grocery shopping, cleaned the kitchen and cooked dinner all in just a few hours. All that with a back which would barely let me get up this morning, and knees which feels a bit like aching jello from time to time. I couldn't care less! If I want to do something, I do it!

So, daytime today has been pretty productive :) Plans for tomorrow, or actually daytime today as it's nearing 2am, involves 2-3 machines of laundry and a general sweep over of my apartment :) And reading, if I just get my books!

Interesting...

2011-07-27T19:22:00.000+02:00

I downloaded some lectures from iTunes U yesterday. Some physics lectures. I watched a couple of them, just to see what kind of things I'll be dealing with later on and to my great surprise, I could understand some of it and felt I'll definitely be able to learn it once I'm familiar with the maths involved :)
This just makes me feel even more sure about my choice of future studies!

It's a really great feeling :)

5am blogging...

2011-07-27T05:08:00.000+02:00

Not a long one day. All I can say is, I feel like a too tense guitar string about to snap from the tension :( Not knowing does that to me...

Late night blogging again again again

2011-07-26T01:40:00.001+02:00

It's now 1:40am as I begin to write this. I haven't done much today, I wanted to do a lot, but have been unable to focus on anything, those who know me more personally may know or guess why... I won't say it out loud here on my blog anyways... Was at least trying to study some maths in daytime.
And I got pretty thrilled about the news they just may have found the elusive Higgs Boson at last! First at CERN on the Swizz/French border and a couple of days later, Fermilab in USA announced they may have found the Higgs Boson as well. Will be interesting to see if they have indeed found it this time! It will take a while to analyze the results according to the news report.
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/breakthrough-hailed-in-quest-for-god-particle-2319902.html

So, what is the Higgs Boson you may wonder. I am certainly not the right person to answer that, I only know very very little and can't explain it well, so you'd better hit wikipedia on this ;) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Higgs_Boson

Just pretty funny how the scientists have been looking for this particle for so long, and suddenly it may have been found in two particle accelerators within a couple of days of each other.

Either way, it's exciting and I'll try to follow these news :)

For some reason, blogger won't post the links as hyperlinks, I don't know why! You'll just have to copy and paste if you want to read the links.

Late night blogging again again...

2011-07-25T03:06:00.002+02:00

It's now just 3:20am, I'm not even beginning to feel sleepy yet. Missing my best friend who seems to have a busy afternoon/evening today, that happens sometimes. Hopefully catch up in the morning instead :)

Ordered some more books earlier, can't wait until I have them! I just want to start reading! Have been studying maths quite a bit today. Found this great webpage called maths.com which goes through pretty much everything from 1+1 to calculus and "worse" and has many videos showing examples too, it's really a good webpage! I'll use that page a lot for my maths studies! Even Algebra is starting to make sense with the help of that webpage ;) Now if physics could have a webpage like that too, I'll learn in no time!

I really want to learn it all, motivation is on top! When I read really complicated physics things now for recreation, I wish I could understand it all. That must say something, I've finally found what I want to do! I wouldn't even look at it if I wasn't interested in it. One day I will learn it, and read those texts again and have it make sense :) I'm determined!

Ok, nearly 4am. I'm still not sleepy! Think I'll just study some more maths!

It doesn't happen all too often...

2011-07-23T18:48:00.002+02:00

Today I'm actually blogging in the early evening! Not saying I won't write another blog sometime in the early hours of the morning later though. I just thought I'd post something now.

Have ordered three books today, one book about Physics and two books about maths, just to prepare for what shall come ;) Will get the books home in a few days time and I'm really excited! Just want to read them NOW!

At the moment, I'm in a complete nerd mood! Motivation is on top and I just want to get started with my planned studies!

Late night blogging again.

2011-07-23T02:34:00.003+02:00

I seem to always blog at night for some reason. I am a born night owl and I don't sleep very much.

Been looking into studies even more today, it is now leaning very much towards Lund University! They don't just have the Physics program but also Theoretical Physics. Which one I will choose is not yet decided, I'll see which of it that covers my field of interest. I have at least found a course I'd very much like to take. That one kinda belongs to Physics, but I guess I'd be able to study it even if I end up with Theoretical Physics. Anyways, the course is called Particle Physics, Cosmology and Accelerators. It sounds really interesting!

I feel so motivated at the moment! I just want to start studying!

Random thoughts of an overactive mind

2011-07-22T02:03:00.003+02:00

For the past few days, my brain has spent a lot of the time planning and even more time thinking. Reading up on random complicated things and studying some maths in between.

The odd random thoughts of an overactive mind today is related to the universe. I'm kinda doubting the Big Bang theory a bit, along with wondering if the universe has an end or if it just keeps going and going forever. And if the universe has an edge, which would barely have a sign notifying anyone, what's there, beyond the universe? Theories says the universe is still expanding, so surely there has to be somewhere where universe hasn't reached yet, what is there?

This kind of thoughts surely doesn't help me beat insomnia, but I really couldn't care less! I'm more interested in thinking than in sleeping! I will and I do sleep when I'm tired ;)

University plans!

2011-07-20T01:37:00.004+02:00

I have made some big plans these past few days. I already know I can no longer work in a warehouse, and taking a regular office job would just bore me to world's end and be a waste of brain power.
I've heard from many that I'm too intelligent to do a physical job or just a random job. It is time! Time to walk down the path of academics! I have not known what I wanted to study before now. Now I'm pretty sure I know!
Due to being sick of school in Jr. High, I went to the wrong type of high school- one focusing more on practical knowledge than theoretical. It's something what has been haunting me ever since I graduated in 2004!
I now have to deal with most of the high school maths, and all the high school science to be able to apply the University program I want to study. But that should be fully possible. I'm not stupid, I've just been unfortunate with schools and teachers in the past. With the right motivation, which I feel I have now, I can reach the stars if I want to!
What I want to study at university? Well, science of course! I may study either Physics or Chemistry, or Biochemistry.
I'm a nerd, and I'm damn proud of it!

I want to study again, now is the right time to do it! I'll soon be 26, I can no longer do my current job and I finally know what I want to do with my life!

I know it will be hard, especially maths will be hard as I've got more talent for languages than maths. But I can and will do it!

I'm now trying to decide which University I'd prefer to study at. I'm choosing between Lund University which is very old and internationally well known, with an amazing study atmosphere and true academic feeling in the whole city. You could pretty much say Lund is a University and it happens to be a city as well.
Then there's Gotenburg University, I've never been studying there but know it is a good University, I also have my family in or around Gothenburg which means I'd be close to my family again if I go to University there. On the other hand, I never get the cozy feeling when I'm in Gothenburg, it's just a city which happens to have a University.
So which should I pick? It will be a difficult choice as I'll be studying for four years at that one University unless I exchange and study abroad some too. Should I pick the amazing academic atmosphere, or being close to my family? I'll obviously apply both Universities when I get that far with my maths, I hope to start studying at University in autumn of 2012.
I've been living 400km away from my family for the past 5 years next month, only seeing my family a few times every year. Still, even if I choose Lund (which feels most likely), I'll at least be a bit closer to my family, about an hour closer compared to the travel time I have now.
I really like Lund University and the whole city of Lund. It's the most academic city in Sweden! Just walking down the streets in Lund and you pass by a University building every few steps, it really gets you in the mood to study!

Now bring on the maths! I'm so motivated for this! :)

Because awareness matters!

2011-07-17T18:29:00.005+02:00

Those of you reading this who are on Facebook. I've found this great cause, and it would make my and many other's day if you care enough to join and help spread the word to everyone you know!

http://www.causes.com/causes/244658-official-national-marfan-foundation-cause

Together we can make a difference!

For some reason the link doesn't become a link when I add hyperlink, but the title of this blog post will also take you to the cause.

Now let's beat at least ONE FarmVille cause! ;)

Because awareness matters!

Late night rambles

2011-07-16T02:57:00.002+02:00

It's about 3am when beginning to write this post. I'm wide awake, listening to music pretty loud in earphones and have no intention to sleep anytime soon, not because I don't want to sleep, but because my body tells me it doesn't need to sleep at the moment.

I was born night owl! I've heard myself on old tape recordings from 1987 when I was about to turn 2, the grown ups (my parents and an elderly couple we used to go out camping with) were trying to make me sleep at 11:30pm and me proclaiming loudly "Don't want to sleep!" in very childish Swedish.
It's just natural for me to be up this late, I don't usually need much sleep at all. I have many nights of only sleeping for 3-6 hours, and can do just fine on less sleep too.

Maybe my body is permanently in the wrong time zone? I dunno. I just know my lack of sleep surprises many around me. I'm often awake until 2-3 in the morning even when I need to get up to work in the morning.

I love sitting up at night, it's so peaceful! And it also means I can spend time chatting with friends in USA and I have pretty many friends in the States. Sometimes they're off to sleep before me even ;)

Enough late night rambles now. I'm going to continue listening to music until I'm tired enough to fall asleep!

Considering leaving Denmark

2011-07-13T00:16:00.004+02:00

As some of you may or may not know, I'm Swedish but living in Denmark since 2006. The five years in Denmark has had its ups and downs and given me valuable life experience that I'll always carry with me.
I've come to a point in my life where I feel there's little or nothing keeping me in Denmark any longer. I like my apartment very much, but that's really about it. I don't have many real life friends here, and the couple of friends I do have here are from work and they have families so we don't hang out after work. And then there's work... Well, to put it simple, I can not do it any longer! I've had it, seriously! My body can't cope with physical work any longer, it's time to find an office job, or work from home!
My plan now is to look for a new job, in my home region of Sweden and move back to Sweden sometime after Christmas, probably to a city not far from my hometown. I have several real life friends I've met on a forum in that city, the city has a college, a big hospital in case my joints needs it, and excellent train connections to my hometown which is just 50 minutes away by train or about an hour's drive.
So when I have moved, I'll have real life friends in the same city and I'll be very close to my family, my childhood friends and many of my high school classmates as the city I'm planning to move to is very close to where I went to high school.
I'll be close to friends and family, but still live in a city and still have some privacy.

I think there's only one thing I'll miss when I leave Denmark. My doctor! Other than that, I'm just really looking forward to moving home to my homeland again, where the living standard is generally better too. Now there's nothing wrong with my apartment here in Denmark, but in Sweden it's pretty much unheard of to have the shower connected to the bathroom sink ;) In Sweden we have separate water supply for sink and shower!

The city I'll move to only really has one downside, it's pretty far from any bigger airport, like 1,5h by train and another 30+ minutes by bus. But let's face it, how often do I travel?

Long time no post

2011-07-10T00:07:00.003+02:00

I haven't been blogging much lately. There are several reasons for it, but the main reason is probably the fact that I haven't been feeling well and been very busy.

There's a lot going on in my life at the moment, I'm trying to get a diagnose on my health problems. Both me and my doctor suspect it's Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and I'll be going to hospital in September for a proper EDS test. I saw a rheumy in early June, and that was the worst moron I've ever seen calling himself a doctor! The only thing he got right about me is the 8/9 on the Beighton score.

In early June I also had to spend a few hours in hospital due to a possible heat stroke when it was just 20 degrees outside. I started feeling really nauseous and weak, and lost sensation in arms and legs, I very nearly passed out! Had I not had my crutches with me that day, I'd not have managed to get off the bus even. When I got to the hospital hours later I had a "resting" pulse of 95 (I had very slowly walked from waiting room to exam room minutes before)

Working has become more and more of a struggle. As soon as I get home from work and have taken a shower, I go to bed and sit there until I fall asleep sometime late at night and then I don't sleep very well. I'm constantly in pain, constantly fatigued, it's not really a life for someone turning 26 in a few months!

Last weekend I went to Nottingham to visit some friends, it was a great weekend, but oh my have I been feeling unwell since I got home again! I've barely managed to get out of bed since I got home late on Tuesday evening. Since night to Thursday I've had a pretty bad headache and back pain which has been worse than my usual back pain.
I don't know what's causing my headache, but nothing helps to ease it, other than staying in bed moving as little as possible. A friend with diagnosed EDS think I may have slipped a disc in my back, or have developed dural ectasia. I didn't even know people with EDS or HMS could develop dural ectasia randomly like this, I only knew it's common among people with Marfan Syndrome.
Oh well, I don't know the cause for my headache, I just know it feels like having fireworks inside my brain when it is at its worst, and nothing helps. Painkillers does nothing, laying flat on my back does nothing and laying on my side just made me feel nauseous instead. If it doesn't ease up within a few days, I'll seek help in hospital for it!

I've barely managed to eat anything since Monday. Haven't had any appetite at all. Today I've had 6 small squares of chocolate, a few spoonfuls of mashed potato and a cup of soup, and I had to force myself to eat the potato mash and soup!

Ok, this post is not very cheerful at all, and it has taken far too much of my energy. I need to rest again...

A diagnose is getting closer and closer

2011-05-28T03:40:00.002+02:00

I have seen my doctor again and have now finally found my private health insurance from work highly useful! My doctor wants me to see a rheumatologist as soon as possible or preferably last week. She takes my condition very seriously and know how serious it could possibly be. She suggested I seek help in a private hospital as I have the insurance. Said and done, I called the insurance company after I arrived work and they approved my need to see a rheumatologist ASAP and gave me the phone number to a private hospital very close to where I live. Called the hospital after my lunch break and I got an appointment on June 8th!

On June 7th I'm going back to see my doctor again for a gastroscopic exam because of my gastritis issues. My doctor wants to see if a cause for the gastritis can be found. I've been through that procedure once before. That time I got a sedative medicine that was supposed to make me forget everything, but I do in fact remember EVERYTHING from that time. I remember I was totally fine having that procedure so I'm not nervous about it now. If it can give answers and possibility for a better treatment, it's well worth it!

My doctor believe it quite likely I have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome so she wants to have me tested for it as soon as possible, and if I indeed get diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome she will make sure all of me gets tested for all possible problems the condition can cause. Ehlers Danlos Syndrome may cause so much more than just floppy joints and pain, it can also cause more severe issues like Mitral Valve Prolapse in the heart, or generally weak blood vessels so it's very important to get a diagnose and know how the condition affects the individual and have regular checkups of the heart and monitor how the joints are doing.

There are many types of Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. The most common types are hypermobility type Ehlers Danlos, and Classic type Ehlers Danlos, both those may cause Mitral Valve Prolapse, or at least the hypermobility type may.
The other more common type is the Vascular type, it's much less common than Hypermobility and Classic type, but Vascular type Ehlers Danlos can be very severe and even deadly, it is considered one of the most severe types of Ehlers Danlos. There are other very very rare types of Ehlers Danlos too which can be more severe but those have had so few cases around the world so they are rarely mentioned.

In my case it is the Hypermobility type Ehlers Danlos which is suspected, possibly with a touch of Classic. As far as I have noticed, I have no issues which could indicate any Vascular Ehlers Danlos.

I could also have another connective tissue issue, but as it looks today, Ehlers Danlos Syndrome is the main concern.

Just thought I'd give you all an update.

Getting closer to a diagnose?

2011-05-20T22:32:00.002+02:00

It's been a long time since I last wrote anything here. I've been pretty busy lately with working, studying, moving and not feeling great in general. My semester is about to finish now, have finished the written exam and only have the spoken exam left. I moved to my own apartment little more than 3 weeks ago now and no longer commute as far to work! I have a great 72m2 apartment with a stunning view from the 13th (actually 14th from ground level) floor.
With the move I also got a new doctor who I had an appointment with yesterday morning. And what a doctor! She is just outright amazing! She didn't just listen, she also had an idea! And when I told her I suspect I may have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome she even said it is possible going by how many of my joints are constantly achy and how flexible I am, plus that I showed her some odd stretch marks and scars. A regular doctor who actually knows what Ehlers Danlos Syndrome is! She could even spell it without asking! I didn't even need to use my long list of symptoms I had written down. Now I have a team of two professionals determined to help me. My doctor and my physiotherapist! The next step now is to see a rheumatologist (who can send me on to the hospital if needed) and my doctor said she may be able to cut the waiting time for seeing the rheumatologist as my problems are pretty bad and getting worse. Normally the waiting time to see a rheumatologist here can be months, she's hoping I can get to see one in just weeks!

I know it can be other things making my body give up on me like this, but no matter if I have Ehlers Danlos or not, my body is misbehaving and I want to know why! EDS is a heavy diagnose to get, but I'd rather know than not know. Whatever it is, I can deal with what my body is doing, I just want answers! I am at peace with the changes in a way. The pain is getting to me at times, but most of the time I can handle it and keep going like normal, whatever normal is ;)

To me "normal" is to be able to scratch all over my back without problem, or put foot up on something at chest height and tie my shoes with straight legs. Both those things make my workmates go all "OMG!" because they can't do it. It has also become normal for me to rest more and more when off work. It also happens I use crutches for walking outside on days my hands and wrists are not hurting too much. Other days I just walk unaided and hope my knees and ankles won't act up too much. My knees can be a bit wobbly and my ankles likes to lock. It's not a nice feeling when an ankle locks, it hurts!

I'll try to get better at updating here.
Laters

Thoughts...

2011-03-24T02:03:00.002+01:00

Well, as I'm starting to type this post, it has just passed 2am. What am I doing awake you may wonder. I'm in a way wondering myself. I think my current shoulder pain, elbow pain, wrist pain, ankle pain, back and neck pain just *may* play a part in me still being awake. Oh, and don't forget fingers that partly lock!

Things are really not that great at the moment. I keep going, and I stay positive so nothing bad there. It's just, I'm so low on energy and by that I don't say I sleep too little, I sleep as much as I need! It's body being tired. A day at work has gone from being a piece of cake, to being a daily struggle. Today my knees, especially left knee, has had its own life, being a bit like jello and just bending when least expecting it, making me almost loose balance quite a few times.

I went to physiotherapy again yesterday, and well, that just won't do it for me! It only took a couple of minutes of light exercise and my knee pain level got as bad as it can be after hours at work, and my left elbow locked in the middle of something! So physiotherapy is NOT for me!

My body is really in quite a downhill, and has been for the past couple of months. But whatever. I know I'm hypermobile and quite a lot too. The things happening to me doesn't really scare me, I just take it for what it is. I just know I won't be able to keep going at my current job for too much longer as it is physically demanding.

I have many things I'd like to do, or dream about doing in the future, all of which can be done from an office or even from home. Am I bitter about what my body is doing when I'm just 25? No, definitely not! I see it as a possibility to do things I wouldn't think of doing had everything been as it *should* be. Having to re-think things like I need to do now really feels like a new beginning, but not in a bad way.

I guess you could say it's a little bittersweet... I'll have to sooner or later give up a job I really like, but on the other hand, that will give me the possibility to study again if I wish to do so.

Now I should try to get some sleep I guess. 2:30am

Closer

2011-03-15T22:44:00.005+01:00

Had the day off work today, due to a couple of appointments I should have made a long time ago to be real honest.
I saw a physiotherapist this morning for my hypermobility, an appointment that really was great! The physiotherapist really listened to me! I showed him a lot of the things I can do and he said I'm indeed very hypermobile. My knees bend backwards 15 degrees, 2-5 degrees backwards is OK, but definitely no more than 7 degrees, and I have 15 so go figure. I also found out that my elbows do indeed hyperextend- something I haven't been sure about as it is kinda difficult to see yourself.
My fingers subluxate many times daily, no matter if I want them to or not, even the most gentle pull will subluxate them.
It is likely my ankles subluxate daily too and my hip was on the way out once last week.
And I got a word of warning: It won't take anything for my knees to dislocate.
My knees have never dislocated this far, but the physiotherapist said they may do so from very little trauma. It can pretty much be enough if someone just bump into me a little and my leg is in the wrong position at the time.

We talked some about the Beighton score too, and the physiotherapist said I'd get 8 points out of 9 possible! The only thing I can't do is to put my palms of hands on the ground with straight legs, I can only get the whole fingers down without effort. Guess you could say I get 8.5 points then, plus a lot of extra points for the other "party tricks" I have which are not even measured on the Beighton score.

I'll now begin physiotherapy once weekly to help stabilizing my body a bit to avoid dislocating things.
After the appointment with physiotherapist I went to Field's to buy some workout clothes and shoes, and while I was at it, I dived into the optician shop there as well and made an appointment to have my eyes checked. Said and done, got an eye appointment for the afternoon. Went home and had lunch and then back to Field's to have my eyes checked, my eyesight had changed again so needed new glasses. That didn't surprise me at all as I've had my current glasses for two years now. Anyways, I picked a very nice pair and will get them in about two weeks.
Back home again for about another hour and a half and then off to see my doctor.
Went to doctor and got the referral to see Rheumatologist which is why I went to doctor today.
Tomorrow I'll call around to the various Rheumatologists in this area and see if anyone of them can take me soon. If they are not qualified to diagnose or rule out EDS than hopefully he or she can send me to see the EDS specialist in Rigshospitalet.

Both me and my physiotherapist agrees that I have to have a diagnose on this! Am I just damn hypermobile with a fair bit of pain? Or do I have EDS which is genetic?

As it feels now, I'm not 100% sure I'll work tomorrow. I really need to call those Rheumatologists and get an appointment as soon as possible. But mainly, and I won't lie now: My hips and knees hurt like fucking hell! And that's while just laying in bed... Elbows, wrists and fingers are painful too, but right now knees and hips are worse. However, I shall NOT take painkillers! I need such combos of various kinds it's crazy, plus that I do not want to become more resistant to painkillers than I already am.

Will see tomorrow. My plan is to go to work, but if my body is on strike I'll just have to take the lemons and make lemonade and focus on making those phone calls. Bit more peaceful to call from home than from work.

All in all today, busy and tiring day even without working, and I've found out I'm pretty much an over bendy, subluxing freak show ;)

Japan

2011-03-12T16:04:00.003+01:00

I was the least to say shaken (no pun intended) by the news about the earthquake in Japan yesterday morning when I read through the overnight Twitter time line. Followed the news as much as I could over Twitter during my workday and watched news most of the evening yesterday. I'm very relieved that my friend in Japan is fine!

My heart truly goes out to the people of Japan and everyone else affected by the earthquake and tsunami!

Please, everyone, do what you can to help the survivors! Even a small donation can make a huge difference!

Today, this song is for the people of Japan, you're in my heart and thoughts!

Rubber days...

2011-03-06T21:22:00.002+01:00

My joints are like rubber at the moment, and has been for the past few days at least. I don't bend them myself, but many joints just feel more wobbly and the pain level is somewhat up a little bit. Still at a level where I can avoid taking painkillers, but it is bugging me big time. I do however find myself standing with hyperextended knees most of the time when just standing normally- well, normally for me anyways. I try to stand properly but I just can't do it!

It's mainly my wrists, knees and left ankle that really annoys me now, they sound more than usual and just yeah, generally act up! Right wrist has been partly locked a couple of times today and when I get it back to normal again it's with one loud pop!

With this body, I'm definitely never going to have children! Just being a woman is bad enough!

Friendship

2011-03-05T00:19:00.002+01:00

I have many friends, some I've known for most of my life and others I got to know only recently. Some who know me well, and some who know me less.
The friendship that makes me write this post is very special. It's a relatively new friendship, but at the same time it feels like we have known each other for years. This friend is very special, it's a friend who always manage to make me smile and laugh, and the only friend I have who makes me fall asleep smiling after we have been talking.

My friend and I are far apart as far as distance goes, but friendship is never far away with the help of internet.

My friend, you know who you are :) You're a great person and an amazing friend!

An extended weekend in my hometown.

2011-02-28T22:00:00.002+01:00

Just got home from an extended weekend in my hometown, with my parents in my childhood home. It's been a nice but busy weekend indeed. I arrived my hometown in the late evening on Thursday, on Friday morning I took my cat to the veterinary for his annual vaccination and in the afternoon mum and I went to a nearby town to buy a new computer for dad because his birthday was on Thursday.
Saturday we went to have a look at a very nice 2nd hand store in my hometown just for fun, in the afternoon we went to Gothenburg to visit my Grandmother who has birthday today.
Yesterday I went to another nearby town to meet a couple of friends I know from a Swedish forum. They both have EDS of hypermobility type, though one of them has a touch of classical type as well as the hypermobility type. I truly had a blast yesterday, there we were, three young women, all with similar problems and it was so funny because we were all about the same height and about the same shoe size. We also compared our hypermobility a little bit and even though I'm not having a diagnose yet other than hypermobility/HMS, I was way more hypermobile than both my friends. The main difference between them and me is that my joints stay in place while they have issues with dislocating joints.

Today I had planned to just relax in daytime, preparing for my trip back to Copenhagen, it didn't turn out quite as planned. Woke up at 8:30 and stretched out a bit in bed only to hear a very sickening crack, very unlike the sounds my joints normally make, and with that sickening crack came instant severe pain in my right shoulder blade area! I stayed in bed for an hour extra, trying to rest the pain away but it didn't work. I could barely get out of bed because of the pain and once I got out of bed it was quite the struggle to have breakfast. Any wrong movement I do will cause a pain top bad enough to give me tears in my eyes and I have high pain tolerance.
Now almost 14 hours later I'm still in quite a bit of pain even with Naproxen and Paracetamol active in my system. Those painkillers didn't help for me at all! I'm not a big fan of painkillers, partly because they rarely work for me and partly because I'm not a fan of taking any medicine in general. Today I didn't really have a choice because I had to sit for 3 hours on an uncomfortable train back to Copenhagen, the whole trip back to Copenhagen took me over 5 hours from door to door.

My friends I met yesterday suggested I go to ER today, but I'll wait and see how it feels tomorrow. I don't even know if it is possible to dislocate anything in the shoulder blade area, but if it is, I probably had my first dislocation or subluxation today :/
If the pain is at this level tomorrow, I'm going to see my doctor or go to the ER!

All in all, it's been a nice weekend even though it's been everything but relaxing ;) The pain I got today is just a hiccup :P

Headaches...

2011-02-20T23:00:00.002+01:00

Now seriously, headaches just have to be the worst kind of pain you can have. What can possibly be worse than a real bad headache which is just throbbing and pounding inside your head and no matter what you do, there's no relief to it.

If you have pain anywhere else in your body, you can still do things, but a headache really knows how to keep you in bed in a dark, silent room and it doesn't care about what you want to do or not.

I'm fortunate enough to not get headaches very often, but when I do get them it can be pretty bad, and even worse if it's a migraine.

I do however have pain somewhere in my body constantly, but none of that bothers me as much as a headache does when I get one. The only thing that can be nearly as bad as a headache is a real bad back pain that kinda locks your legs so you can barely move, that happens to me every now and then.

I've had a light headache this afternoon and evening, but it's nothing compared to how it can be, and nothing compared to how a headache can be for others.

Guess all I wanted to say is... Big hugs to all who suffers from bad headaches!

Kinda upset...

2011-02-20T18:17:00.002+01:00

Watched a video on YouTube yesterday evening, and that made me quite upset! Such a scandal that an organization is spreading misinformation about a condition! Yes, they got some of it right, but they missed the crucial part of mentioning that the condition can affect people differently. Or at least they didn't mention that part clearly enough. In the video they made it sound like people living with this condition can live normal lives and have a normal lifespan. Ask someone living with it and that person wouldn't agree!

Yes, some people are only affected mildly, but for many, living with a medical condition means a lot of hospital visits, taking medications for rest of their life and sometimes complicated surgeries only to live.

I will not mention names nor which condition(s) it is due to privacy reasons. See this as something general... Don't believe in everything you see on the internet, even if it's posted by an awareness and patient support organization.

It's official!

2011-02-17T20:24:00.002+01:00

I'm a spoonie!

Went to see my doctor this morning because of long term pain and hypermobile joints, and the doctor confirms that yes, I am hypermobile. I was however not happy with the appointment as I don't think he listened properly and took the easy way out sending me to physiotherapy that I know will do absolutely nothing for me- I ONLY have bad experiences from the past!

I didn't get a formal diagnose as far as I know, but considering I am hypermobile and have the pain, I guess you could say I have Hypermobility Syndrome for now, but until it's been checked for, EDS can't be ruled out.

I really hate going to doctor, and going today and not being taken seriously... I'm feeling let down and in a way pissed off. Ok, so I'm supposed to just accept this pain and put more strain on my joints with physiotherapy? Like helloooo I'm working full time, with my body! I CAN NOT BE STRONGER THAN I ALREADY AM! I'm strong enough to pretty much be moving mountains and I think that's one of the reasons my joints do stay in place and just cause pain.

Someone who is in the mood to shout at the system, be my guest! I simply don't have the energy to argue with a highly educated concrete wall :(

But yeah, I'm a spoonie! I'm 25 and will probably have joint and pain issues for the rest of my days, am already a few years in with some joints...

Appointment tomorrow

2011-02-16T22:29:00.002+01:00

So tomorrow I'm finally seeing my doctor to try to get things straight with my misbehaving joints. To be really honest, I do feel a little nervous about it. What if my doctor know nothing about hypermobility and doesn't take it seriously?

I know I fulfill the requirements for an HMS diagnose easily, but what if it is EDS? Would that really make a difference? Looking at family history, my great grandmother on dads side had hypermobile knees, and so does one of my aunts, none of them had or have a diagnose, but it is still something I'll mention to my doctor tomorrow. For me, hypermobility affects my fingers, wrists, shoulders, back, ankles and a little bit in hips and toes and probably also elbows. The reason I think it "may" be more than just HMS is because there are some things with me that does fit in with EDS. I won't write it all down now, this post is long enough anyways :P

Today has been a kinda rough day. Woke up feeling like I had been hit by a train and it nearly made me stay home from work. Stubborn as I am I took a couple of painkillers I knew wouldn't work, and I headed to work and spent all day being in pain- constantly around 3-4 on the 10 scale with the occasional top, and it kinda got to me in the end of my shift. Started forgetting things and even did something I'd normally never do. Nothing severe though, but it could have been a dangerous situation quite easily. That's when I decided it was time for me to finish work for the day a little early. It's not easy to focus on anything when it feels like your joints are being turned inside out or being stabbed with a knife from inside.

OK, long post, rambling... My defense? I've only slept for like 5-6 hours in total in the past 48 hours ;) I don't feel sleepy though, and it was and is totally worth sleeping less :) Spending time online talking with a friend 6 hours behind my time zone, it's just amazing, and my new sleeping pattern actually has given me more energy. Just... The last 2 nights I've fallen asleep 2 hours later than my target time which is 2am. Now try 4am 2 nights in a row on workdays ;) I really do need to sleep earlier tonight.

Hope some of this makes sense :P

Will update tomorrow evening and let you all know what the doctor said. Right now I can't really think clearly, and as internet is really quiet- friend busy working, I think I'll just call it a night pretty soon :)

I'm full of bubble wrap

2011-02-15T23:05:00.002+01:00

Or well, one could believe it sometimes anyways. My joints are making so much noise lately! Some joints has been sounding a lot for years, but now other joints has started too. The latest addition to the bubble wrap band is my shoulders, especially my left shoulder which made its loud debut while I was on the phone with a good friend of mine on Friday.

Now when thinking about it, it is a good thing I have my appointment with doctor on Thursday. I wasn't really planning to deal with all this hypermobility junk until after I have moved to another end of town, but thanks to friends nagging on me to make the appointment, I did and now that feels like a good decision. It is no fun feeling like hit by a train almost constantly, and sounding like you're full of bubble wrap! I'm just 25 years old for crying out loud! Hopefully Thursday can bring some answers or have me sent to see a specialist.

About the only positive thing I can say about my joints right now is that they stay in place! No dislocations or subluxations- yet!

So friends who have been nagging on me to make the appointment with doctor, Thank you! You know who you are ;)

Times of change

2011-02-11T21:23:00.003+01:00

A lot has changed lately. I feel older than my actual age, that is nothing new really as I've always been "older" than my peers, but this time is different in a way. I can't put words to it, and won't try. I think only one friend really understands, one or two more may get an idea.

I have some really really great friends from around the globe, it's just unfortunate I'm half a world away from those I consider my closest friends. Distance and time zones really bite sometimes, but there's nothing to do about it other than go and visit each other sometime :)

Another change? Well, I'm proud to announce that I have sent in the divorce application this week! Hopefully the process will be fast so I can change my Facebook status to Divorced rather than just Separated. The less I see and hear from HIM, the better! The way he hurt me... I'm not even going to go into detail!
After this, I don't think I ever want to get married again, seriously! It's better to just have good friends around!

I've changed my mind regarding children too. I wanted to have children before, now I think NOT! I have enough problems with my body as it is, without abusing it with a future pregnancy too! In fact, I have so much problems with my body at the moment, with hypermobility and constant pain so every day at work is a struggle. I keep going though, I love my job!

On Thursday I'm going to see my doctor about all this hypermobility I have. It has reached a bad enough level I can't ignore it any longer now. I'm hoping my doctor will take it seriously and send me to see a specialist to be checked for EDS, just to be on the safe side, I do have some EDS signs too. I'm very sure I have at least HMS (hyper mobility syndrome) as my hypermobility causes pain and I get more than enough points on the Beighton scale. The requirement for an HMS diagnose is 4 points on the Beighton scale, I get those 4 points just on my hands! Then I can do various other tricks with hands and fingers which are not even on that test. Then I have many other hypermobile joints, both out of the ones in the Beighton scale test and joints not being tested.
"Normal" people think it hurts to bend fingers far back and other crazy things like that, the few workmates who have seen what I can do have gone quite pale when seeing it. But it doesn't hurt! I don't feel even a slight stretch until it's bent far far beyond normal. It's the fact that I can do those things that hurts, and I'm sure every single person with a hypermobility diagnose of any kind will agree with me. When you're hypermobile, your muscles have to work harder to compensate for the instability of the joints. It doesn't take much to feel tired and worn out when your joints have a bad day :(

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger!

2011-02-02T09:53:00.000+01:00

Not many know this side of me as I don't show it often. Only very few would understand anyways and even fewer would be able to relate to it.
It was a very serious conversation last night with a very good friend or even twin soul that inspired me to write what I'm writing now. He can relate to it and we have this mutual understanding of each other rarely seen on this planet.

I have seen a lot in my life, writing all the details would take too long, most of you reading this would not understand and some of you may lay sleepless at night pondering how anyone can deal with this.

Anyways, all things I have seen or experienced has made me strong, stronger than you would expect from someone who is 25. It has also given me a very serious side. Now if my twin soul is serious enough to make a German blush (his own words), my serious side would make the whole German army from WW2 blush and laugh nervously.

How would I make the German army blush? By my determination, lack of fear and my ability to hold my head high and walk with long, confident steps through life!

Most people know me as a goofball who can make them laugh, and that's also the side of me I show the most. I am generally a very happy person who loves to share my happiness with others. I look positive upon most things and if life gives me lemons, I make lemonade.

Reality can be bitter sometimes, but add some sugar and life is sweet :)

I'd never had dared to say hi if I couldn't handle what it could bring...

In all its randomness

2011-01-24T22:19:00.002+01:00

I just feel like blogging, so that's what I'm doing now.
It's been a Monday pretty much like any other Monday, overly busy at work as always, and the weekend has as always been too short. I swear, the people who invented the weekdays must have been bad at maths! Shouldn't the workweek and weekend be shared equally between the number of days in a week? Seriously, what sense does it make with a 5 day workweek but only 2 days weekend? Aren't people supposed to have a life outside work? Like hellooo I'm a full time worker, and now also a part time student who also enjoys a good chat with my many friends from all over the world. I need more weekend to have time with it all ;)
On top of everything else I'm working hard on one day make my dream reality with the awareness and charity choir. I have even decided on a few songs already even if it's all just in the dream-about stage yet. And the location for it all will most likely be London even if that's like an hour or more by plane from where I live. I just feel London is a central place, a place where you can really make a difference and it may be easier to find people who want to sing too :)

But before any of that can happen, I have my dream trip I'm planning for this year: Opera in Barcelona, Put flowers on at the foot of the statue in Montreux, visit London to see some important Queen and Freddie Mercury places and see the musical We will rock you!

Until summer, I'll work hard, and study hard and then hopefully go on my trip :)

I'm a student again!

2011-01-22T19:25:00.002+01:00

I'm a university student again! It's the first time in 2 years I'm studying anything, and I feel really motivated! I went to my university this morning to attend an introduction day, the course is net based, but school is in Lund which is only like an hour away from Copenhagen, so anyways. I got to meet some of my classmates, and the two teachers out of which one teacher I've had before when I tried this course at Campus in 2006, the other teacher was new to me but he seems great! I had a blast today despite having to get up at the ungodly hour of 6.30 on a Saturday to be at school at 9am ;)
I came back home at about 4pm, and have been studying for about 2 hours since I came home, practicing writing characters by hand. It's a bit overkill at this point since we don't have to use characters yet, but I want to learn it and learn it well so it's better to start early. As for the course now, all of it is repeat for me as I've already passed this part of the course, but I feel I need to repeat it to manage the part I haven't passed yet, it's been 4.5 years so I've forgotten most of what I learned at campus.
I was really in the mood to do some translation exercises today, but there wasn't any new ones up on the course web page yet :( The one that was up is the very same one I did at school this morning.
Oh well...

Shoe rant!

2011-01-21T21:38:00.002+01:00

OK, so we have to wear safety shoes at work, or well, we should at least wear them and most people do, most of the time. I do when I can handle wearing mine because those shoes are just a near death experience for my poor feet, ankles, knees and whole body really. Seriously, how difficult can it be to make COMFORTABLE safety shoes!?! After all, us who wear safety shoes at work are not office people sitting on our bums all day, we're physical workers who stand or walk all day, lift heavy items and/or deal with machines- which is the whole reason why we wear the safety shoes!

Many times, if I manage to wear my damn safety shoes for a whole day, I don't walk like the 25 year old I am when walking to the bus, I walk like a 80 year old lady! I'm in so much pain I can barely even walk! And the pain lingers for days, and even wearing proper shoes is painful for days!

I've been wearing my safety shoes for a day or two this week. Today I tried wearing them but had to give up after just a short while, the pain was just too much to handle! I had to risk my feet safety because the shoes made to protect them are too fucking uncomfortable! For crying out loud, I'm driving around a 800kg (~1764 pounds) forklift at work!

The worst part? NO INSURANCE is valid if I get hurt at work without wearing my safety shoes, be it a bad cut or be it having toes hurt by falling goods or a forklift.

I need better safety shoes, or the safety shoe makers need to wear their own shoes to try them before putting them into mass production!

Out of my own experience, Terra has good comfort, but the pair I have is a bit too narrow in the toe area so I get deep blisters from the steel cap so I can't wear them much. The other pair I have is a pair I got at work, they're from FTG and to put it simple- they make my feet suicidal and I have better comfort and foot support while standing bare feet on concrete floor!

I think my hypermobility may play a part in my shoe issues too, but I'm not the only one at work complaining about the discomfort of that shoe model from FTG!

I've even put gel insoles in my shoes to try to make them better, but it doesn't help!

Feeling like a bag of potatoes

2011-01-19T22:46:00.002+01:00

I'm so incredibly tired lately, probably due to the flu I had and not sleeping well for a few nights now. Constant joint and muscle pain doesn't really help sleep either, it makes me sleep even worse! Right now I'm so tired in my whole body I can't even sit properly, I'm more or less hanging over the desk!

Planning the journey of my life!

2011-01-16T20:34:00.003+01:00

It sounds dramatic, but it isn't really. I'm just planning to go on an extended weekend to Barcelona sometime this year, and I'll see an opera there and if I can get to see Montserrat Caballé perform, that would be the absolute best! I'm also going to London for a few days to see some places that were important to Queen and Freddie Mercury, and to see the musical We will rock you. I'm also hopefully going to attend the Freddie Mercury Memorial festival in Montreaux, Switzerland in September and put some flowers at the base of his memorial statue there. Freddie would turn 65 this year, had he still been amongst us, and it's also 20 years ago since his passing so doing this journey this year feels like the right thing to do!
If any of my friends reading this would like to go with me, or meet me at one of the locations do let me know. The more the merrier :)

Life is music, music is life

2011-01-16T00:32:00.003+01:00

Sitting here, it's late at night and I'm listening to song after song with Freddie Mercury, and his duets with Montserrat Caballé. Each tone hits me like a massive wave of joy, filling me up with happiness and a desire to sing!

The afterflu

2011-01-12T22:34:00.002+01:00

So, I've been quiet for a few days again. It has its good reasons though. I've been down with a flu! I had a cold all last week, actually since New Year's eve, and then on Thursday after standing outside for an hour waiting for my bus, I started feeling ill, started freezing. Did manage to work my shift, but as I suspected, I had a fever when I got home that evening and I was still freezing. On Friday morning there was only really one thing to do- call in sick! I had a fever on Friday which ended up reaching 39.5 degrees C in the evening. On Saturday I was even more sick, waking up with 39 degrees and barely being able to get out of bed all day. In the evening my temperature reached its peak, a whopping 39.9 degrees! That's when I decided to call the doctor. Called doctor, and as I was too weak (and alone) to go to the doctor, a doctor came home to me, confirmed that I had the flu and gave me a couple of Paracetamol and an Ibuprofen (I had run out of those at home) along with a prescription for Tamiflu (which I still haven't picked up).
Anyways, fever went away night to Sunday and since I woke up on Sunday I've been fever free and slowly but surely started to feel like a human again. Today I can even breathe some through my nose again! Today I've also started to work again, it was hard and tiring, but I managed it :)
Nose is still a bit swelled up on the inside along with some coughing, but I'm on the mend :)

I've actually only had flu maximum once or twice before this in my 25 years, and I've never taken the flu shot!

I guess I'm normally quite immune to the flu, but it hit me this time probably because of me already having a cold so my immune system was a bit weaker.
Really, other years I've been around people who has had the flu at that time, and I haven't got it!

In fact, I very rarely catch any of those seasonal bugs!

Hypermobility and I

2011-01-06T22:29:00.007+01:00

Hypermobility or possibly Ehlers Danlos Syndrome may be the cause behind my constant pains and aches. I realized that shortly before Christmas and the more I read, the more everything fits in really. I don't have joints that dislocate all the time, but many joints can be overstretched. The reason I think it's not impossible I have EDS is because even after years and years of working with my hands, they're most of the time so soft you'd think I sit at home all day wearing cotton gloves, I can get scars easily from small injuries that normally wouldn't leave a scar, and as I'm a woman, I have these joyful few days every month and that is a pure nightmare especially on the worst day when I need to go every hour or so for a while to avoid leaks. It has always been like that.

I'm going to ask my GP to refer me to someone who can test me for EDS and HMS, I really just want answers!

Oh, and I'm writing this blog while having a fever and generally not feeling at all well, freezing because of the fever and everything so I don't really know what I'm writing.

Anyways, thought I'd post some pictures of my "partytricks" as I like to call it ;)

Looking back at 2010

2010-12-31T17:55:00.002+01:00

It's past 6pm, New Year's Eve here now. Only hours left of 2010! Thought now may be a good time to look back at the year which is about to end. 2010 has been both good, bad and outright ugly. It's not without bittersweet feelings I look back at 2010.

The year started just so so with some till this day unexplained stomach pain which didn't go away for months. The summer was great with some great weeks in China. Autumn has been outright ugly in the first half with my husband leaving me in September and the depression I went through because of that. I turned 25 in October and had a great weekend with family at that time. In November I found happiness in my life again when having video chats with friends from around the world one weekend, and the weekend after that I found the meaning of life through starting to listen to Queen seriously.

My meaning of life is to help people, spread awareness, knowledge and acceptance and help in every way I can with finding a cure for Diabetes and HIV/AIDS.

I feel this passion in life, something I found thanks to Queen. I found my old music interest again, have started to learn to play my keyboard properly. I have plans on taking up violin playing again, I practice singing on my own and want to start playing guitar. I have this dream to sing and play for charity one day.

December hasn't been purely a dance on roses though. I've has issues with joint pain on and off for a long time but the pain has increased along with now affecting many more of my joints. The other week I discovered I'm actually hyper flexible in many joints, and that may well be the reason why I'm in pain all the time. I suspect I may have Ehler's Danlo's Syndrome or as it is mostly written: EDS.

So all in all. This year has changed my life in many ways, in some ways good changes, in other ways bittersweet.

It is with curiosity and a straight back I welcome 2011 in a few hours time.

Happy New Year :)

Christmas

2010-12-24T23:12:00.002+01:00

Today it's Christmas eve, the day when we in Sweden celebrate Christmas. My parents and I went to my grandmother in Gothenburg to celebrate and a couple of hours ago we came back home, with grandmother.
The day has been spent relaxing, watching Disney on TV and of course, the Christmas gifts. I'm happy with the gifts I got and everyone else was happy too :)

Tomorrow my aunts and cousins are coming over for the traditional Turkey dinner we always host at home on Christmas Day. I really hope everyone can come.

I took some pictures today both at home and at my Grandmother's place. Will upload some of them later when I've transferred them to my laptop, right now they're only in my camera.

It's been a very white Christmas this year! Think Disney Christmas movies ;) I've NEVER before seen this much snow on Christmas eve, and it hasn't been warmer than -9 or -10 degrees C all day! And it was snowing when we were driving home from Gothenburg. It's really quite amazing! Today is really the kind of Christmas eve/Christmas day you only see in movies.

I just find it quite annoying that, despite having vacation since I was off work on Tuesday, my wrists, elbows and knee is still aching :(
But anyways...

Merry Christmas everyone :)

The final preparations

2010-12-19T22:14:00.002+01:00

Trying to prepare as much as possible at home today for my trip home to parents on Tuesday. Did the laundry and dishes today, and going to at least start packing I think. But it is getting kinda late now so I maybe should get my hair dry and sleep instead and finish everything tomorrow after work.

Now I really need to do something, either dry my hair or start packing!

Maybe that's the answer...

2010-12-19T00:22:00.002+01:00

I've always been quite flexible, especially when I was about 10-12 years old I could have become a contortionist easily had I just practiced for it.
For the past several years I've had problems with especially my right knee being bent backwards when I don't pay attention to how I'm standing and I'm often having joint pain somewhere in my body. I also have over flexible fingers and wrists and ankles and feet.
As said, I'm almost always having pain somewhere. Back pain for me is a daily issue I've had to learn to live with. Since summer my wrists have started to act up and become painful from time to time so I sometimes need to wear wrist support to ease the pain. I need to take painkillers to go to work many days, but it's not often it helps at all.
All in all, I can't even remember when I had a completely pain free day last time.

I came into this hyper mobility forum the other day, and started reading about hyper mobility syndrome and EDS, and the more I read about it, the more likely it seems I may be having either hyper mobility syndrome or EDS, so many things fit in, including the trouble with painkillers not working well!

Think I'll have to contact my doctor after New Year's and ask him if he can test me for EDS and hyper flexibility or send me to someone who can!

Christmas party at work.

2010-12-18T21:07:00.003+01:00

Yesterday it was Christmas party at work. It was my 3rd time attending it and I must say, this year it didn't quite reach its usual standards. The food was good, but really, Italian food on a Christmas party? And there was far too little entertainment. I think most people was kinda disappointed really. The best Christmas party at work was definitely last year! Last year the whole evening was just so much fun!
Yesterday I went home even before the music started, partly because I was bored and partly because I was so tired after working so much overtime lately.

Today I'm so sleepy, I took an emergency nap in the afternoon and ended up sleeping for about 4 hours. Thanks heaven it's only 2 more days of work before I go up to my parents place for Christmas! I only work Monday and Tuesday and then on Tuesday after work I take the train up to my parents and have vacation until January 3rd :)

Time for an update

2010-12-16T20:25:00.002+01:00

I haven't been posting for a few days now, and it has its good reasons for sure!
I'm really busy at work and work generally 9-10 hours per day now and when I finally do get home at about 7pm I rush into the shower and then only spend a little time at computer before drying my hair and go to sleep. I try to be in bed before 10pm and lights off at 11pm at the latest.
Tomorrow it's finally Friday again, but not just any Friday! It's Christmas Party at work tomorrow evening! I'm of course attending it, but I have no idea for how long I'll stay as I will be getting up at about 5am tomorrow morning, work all day and then attend the party, after a work week with currently 6 hours overtime shared between 3 days.

I'm the least to say, pretty tired when I get home, and do as little as possible really.

In the weekend I'll also be pretty busy. Need to prepare as much as possible at home and pack my bag for my trip home on Tuesday directly after work. I want everything packed and ready before Monday, possibly with exception for items I need to use on Tuesday morning, like my hair brush.

Now I'd better back my backpack with the things I'm going to bring to work tomorrow as I'll stay at work to shower and change clothes before the party starts. Then off to dry hair and go to bed!

Long week and short weekend

2010-12-12T13:33:00.002+01:00

It is a normal week in other words, except for this week being about 10h longer than a usual week as I've been working a lot of overtime. If I counted right on Friday evening after work, I had done 47.5h of work this week, compared to my normal 37h!

It's less than 2 weeks to go until Christmas eve now, and I'm sad to say it, but Christmas spirit just hasn't found me just yet. I love advent time and Christmas, but this year... Well, I have barely even started listening to Christmas carols yet! Right now I'm playing Hayley Westenra's Winter Magic on iTunes, but music wise right now, I wish Queen had made a whole Christmas album!

I'm pretty much done with Christmas shopping now anyways. Bought some more presents yesterday and I'm done with what I can buy here in Copenhagen. The last couple of things I'll buy on the 22nd when I'm in my hometown.

As for Christmas cards... Sorry people, I don't really send any these days. I don't even have time to go to the post office to send any due to my work schedule :( And as I live in Denmark. ALL cards would be international which means I'd have to go to the post office to send them, and the post is not open when I'm not working... I'll simply just wish everyone a Merry Christmas online or through the cards my parents send to people.

Hmm bit difficult to type today. I have this strange cut on my left index finger just at the fingertip, it makes typing feel slightly odd but the worst part is: I don't know when or how I got that cut! I can't remember touching anything sharp with that finger and as I'm currently mainly left handed, it's my right hand getting the most cuts. I didn't notice this cut until I did some dishes just before...

Now I'd better start preparing the laundry bag. Have laundry at 4pm and would rather not have to gather all the laundry 5 minutes before today :P

A Monday from hell again?

2010-12-06T20:52:00.002+01:00

One could think so anyways. But this Monday has one advantage compared to other Mondays: This year is about to run out of Mondays!
Monday is that day of the week I'd like to rip out of the calendar, burn the pages and deny its existence!
When transportation to and/or from work is delayed for one reason or another, that just makes my Monday mood even worse! Today my train home was 6 minutes delayed and it pretty much ruined my whole evening.

On a more positive side though... Yesterday my nose piercing turned 2 weeks old, and it's behaving perfectly. In fact, it already pretty much feels healed! But I'll still wait for a few more weeks before treating is as a healed piercing. Now I still treat it like a healing one :)

It looks like it may have started snowing a little outside again. Yesterday it was snowing quite a lot, but today has been mainly sunny and first day above zero for about 1.5-2 weeks. But at just 1-2 degrees, not much happened with the already existing snow. I think this year may well be a White Christmas all over Sweden and Denmark! I hope it will be, most of the time we're just dreaming of a white Christmas even though it's cold and winter here at Christmas time :P

Christmas shopping!

2010-12-05T20:50:00.002+01:00

So yesterday I went over to Malmö for some Christmas shopping, and to take a look in this music store I had seen so many times from the bus. First thing I did after getting off the train at Malmö central station was to go to that music shop, and wow, what a place! So much instruments, sheet music high and low and everything you can imagine for playing music! I bought a couple of beginner books for keyboard, or actually, one beginner book for keyboard and one chord book for piano. I have been playing keyboard a bit before, or OK, most of my life, but on small toy keyboards. This keyboard I have now is a big one. I've had it for years but never really played much on it and that is so going to change now!
Until now, I've only been playing keyboard or piano by ear, I only read sheet music for violin and a little for flute. But with this new passion for music I've got in the past few weeks, I've decided to learn playing my keyboard properly and read sheet music too!

Anyways, after I had been to that music store. I went further into town for some Christmas shopping and managed to almost finish my Christmas shopping! I only have a couple more planned things to buy now, but that's things I'll buy in my hometown in a small local shop, partly because the items I'm going to buy is a bit inconvenient to bring on the train, but mainly because I know the shop owner and want to keep the local shops at home alive.

Today I went shopping again, this time in Copenhagen at the big shopping center Field's which is just a few minutes away from where I live. Bought a couple more Christmas presents and did some general grocery shopping. After shopping today, I did my traditional Sunday laundry.

Now I think I'll play some keyboard for a while. Going to try to make it into a daily habit to practice every day :)

Fun conversation with mum

2010-12-01T22:58:00.003+01:00

Was just on the phone with mum and mentioned that a friend of mine, Anna, is going on a cruise tomorrow and having to get up very early to catch the flight and that the security check may take a bit longer due to Anna having type 1 diabetes and wearing an insulin pump. Mums reaction? A pump? Is her diabetes that bad? DOH! I had to give my dear mother a whole lecture about pumps and diabetes! Told her that diabetes is not "worse" just because someone is wearing a pump. A pump is a personal choice and can enable better control by being able to fine tune the dose more than with injections.

I think the message got through anyways, as mum went onto saying "But I haven't heard about many using pumps here" and that is true, told mum it's most likely due to the cost and Sweden not having private medical insurance system like USA and Canada has. It's the regions that pays for pumps in Sweden, so it's a bit more picky when it comes to who gets a pump and not. As far as I know, the pump is just for rent, but it's the consumables which costs a whole farm compared to the cost for injections. I'm not very into how pumping works in Sweden though. But I do know it's not the most common way of treating Type 1 diabetes in Sweden.

Can I say mission accomplished now? I think mum learned something new about diabetes today!

World AIDS day!

2010-12-01T18:46:00.001+01:00

Today is the day to do what should be done everyday all year really! Spread awareness, kill myths, get rid of the shame and taboo and fight for a cure for HIV/AIDS! This horrible disease has killed millions world wide and more and more people around the world are diagnosed everyday!
I'm healthy and thankful for that, but I really feel for those people who have their lives ruined by HIV/AIDS and want to do what I can to help!
So let's kill off some of the taboo and show support for people who live with HIV+ and their families and friends!

A thing about HIV you hear far too often is that it's some kind of "God's punishment to gay men" because gay men have a higher rate of HIV+ than the hetero population. That is just so wrong! Their sexual preference and use of the "back door" just puts them at a higher risk because the virus seems to be absorbed more easily, and too few consider that risk and don't use protection. But anyone can get infected with HIV! Sexual preference doesn't matter, all it takes is some bad luck, and maybe a few too many sex partners you don't know along with not using condom or the condom broke. My opinion on sexuality is that Love is Love, no matter if someone is gay, bi or hetero. Love is the most beautiful thing in the world! But gay men out there, please do get tested and use protection and stay safe!

Another common category of HIV+ is drug addicts who share needles with others. Needles should never ever be shared! I wish the society would take better care of drug addicts, help them get rid of the addiction and help them back into the society. Many who resort to taking illegal drugs want to quit, but can't! And they may have got stuck with it because of some traumatic experience in the past. The drugs became some kind of relief from the emotional pain. They need help, and until they can quit the drugs, they need sterile equipment and safe environments to prevent the spread of HIV and other infections.

When it comes to the HIV/AIDS rate in developing countries, it's just tragic there's not enough information and lack of money so people don't use protection, along with the myth that having sex with a virgin will cure HIV/AIDS. There are many cases in especially parts of Africa where young HIV- women will be raped by a HIV+ man who believe it will cure him. Unfortunately it just makes it likely that the woman will be infected too, should she become pregnant there's a possibility that the child will be or become HIV+ too, or see the parents die from AIDS a few years later.

Many with the diagnose live in developing countries and too few have access to the medication they need to keep the HIV from turning into AIDS.
But that's were you and I can do a difference! If you can, make a donation to your local AIDS fund! It doesn't cost much and you will help saving lives! If you can't make a donation, then you can wear something red to show your support
So many children around the world are orphans today because AIDS took their parents. It's just not right! There just HAS to be a cure!

Another problem with HIV is that people often live for years without knowing they're infected, it's a virus working in silence, killing slowly and symptoms usually don't come until years later. Just look at what HIV did with Freddie Mercury! He went from looking perfectly healthy to withering away in just a few years, and he had the infection for many years before he found out, he had already developed AIDS when he got the diagnose.

If you know someone who is HIV+ do show your love and support, and help that person as much as you can! Don't behave as if HIV spreads in the air- that's what flu and colds do! But if you do have a flu or a cold you should maybe try to stay away from the person you know who has HIV as that person may be more sensitive to infections than fully healthy people.

If you have HIV, don't let it stop you from living your life to the fullest! Just do take extra care if you get a cut or something and always use protection. Don't hide your condition, there's tons of support to be found. You should not have to go through everything alone! IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT THAT YOU GOT INFECTED!

Who am I then? Well, I'm a 25 year old woman with a passion for awareness and helping others. I'm perfectly healthy myself, and wish EVERYONE could be just as healthy!

With all this being said, I shall get off my soap box and continue practice singing so I can one day start my dream: The awareness choir!

A Monday from hell?

2010-11-29T23:10:00.003+01:00

One would think it was anyways... Started off nicely with leaving home just after 8am this morning to go to work, going to work normally takes me about an hour under normal conditions. Today though, conditions were far from normal as we have about 20-30cm of snow in Copenhagen now and as Denmark doesn't have heating in the train tracks where the tracks separate into more tracks, those darn things often freeze in winter! Today was one of those days. Snow, wind and a bitter cold, and as I came to the station all trains were either delayed big time or canceled. I waited in the station for about 30 minutes before a train finally came, having to endure the speaker's happy voice announcing trains every 20 minutes in each direction (and some people on the platform had been waiting for 40 already). Those announcements were the joke of today for sure!
I finally got into Copenhagen main station where I transfer to a local train, luckily I didn't need to wait for more than a minute for that train. Got off at my usual station to take the bus to work, and the god damn bus doesn't come! I had to wait for 30 minutes again! Some people at the bus stop had been waiting for nearly an hour when the bus finally came. When the bus finally came, I had already been on my way to work for over 1.5 hour and I was starting to run late.
Got off bus at my bus stop and walked as fast as I could to work and checked in 5 minutes late! Took me almost 2 hours from door to door today!
On top of it, today was incredibly busy at work, along with everything taking longer than normal because the orders were big or a bit special when sending them out.
Anyways, 6pm came at last, and I left work to go home. My bus came a couple of minutes late and I saw my train leave the station. Said a few well chosen words and walked up on the platform and to my great relief the local trains had started running every 10 minutes again instead of the every 20 minutes it had been for most of the day. Arrived main station and went down to the platform where my train leaves from just at just about the same time as my usual train arrived a few minutes behind schedule. Caught my train and was back home only a little bit later than I'd normally be after going to supermarket on my way home too. My trip home was fine. But this morning and day at work sure was a Monday from hell!

The snow sure looks pretty, but it's just so much problems on the roads and with the public transportation so I really do have a love- hate relationship with it.
Not knowing exactly where my ski trousers are either does make me want to fly south for a while too! When standing outside in this weather, waiting for a bus or train you don't know when it will arrive, you really do feel like a deep frozen penguin from south of the south pole when the bus or train does arrive!
I think my ski trousers are somewhere in my rental storage room, I'll maybe go there tomorrow to look, today I had to go to supermarket on my way and it would have been too late for me to do both shopping and going to storage room today because I needed to get home and into the shower.
I sure hope my ski trousers are in the storage room! It's too freezing cold to only wear winter shoes, a big warm coat and jeans when being outside now. Need to have those trousers too to not get too cold.

Back home again

2010-11-28T23:18:00.002+01:00

Have spent the weekend with my family in my home village. It was so nice to just spend some time with family and my cat again. I haven't been at home since October.
Yesterday one of my aunts had a Christmas party which was very nice! So nice to just sit and talk with everyone! And I got to see my wonderful cousin again for the first time for many months! Last time I was at home, my cousin was still in hospital after a major back surgery she had gone through in September.

There's a lot of snow outside now, both in Copenhagen where I live now, and in my home area, more snow in my home area though- it's further north. Here in Copenhagen we have about 5-10cm of snow, my home area has about 20cm of snow.
It's very pretty with the snow now in Advent :) Makes it very Christmassy outside. A winter like this is something I haven't seen before really. Some snow in Advent is not really uncommon, but this much snow, and this cold already is very rare. My home area has had about -10 degrees for a few days now, right now it's -6 there according to my iPhone, and that is pretty rare for this time of year. Those really cold temperatures usually doesn't come until January-February. Here in Copenhagen it's 1 degree now, but funnily enough it felt much colder here when I walked home from the station, than it did yesterday when going out to the car after the Christmas party, and last night it was -10 when we went home again.
Just a shame there wasn't any northern light outside last night as it was very clear sky and "perfect conditions" for watching northern light. Oh well, winter isn't over yet, and I hope I can see the northern light this winter :) I haven't seen it for some years now and it's so beautiful! It's commonly seen in the north part of Sweden and Norway, but not as common in my home area even if it does exist.

And right now I think I may just have heard thunder outside here :O I sure hope it won't be thunder over night! Not just is it very rare in November, but I absolutely hate being alone when it's thundering, especially at night!

Mum had bought a book for me a couple of weeks ago, written by my idol from my teenage years. I read the book over the weekend and finished it on the train back home today. I quite liked the book, but sure hope that guy hasn't gone through all of that he wrote! I know parts of the book was from his real life, like passing out at home and waking up in hospital after a severe low (he's a type 1 diabetic) but hopefully some parts were just parts of celebrity life but not something he had gone through himself. But after reading that book, I'm happy about not being a celebrity! Just too much late nights, parties, alcohol and drugs involved in that kind of life.

I'm still wanting to get into music more, but only as a hobby and maybe for raising awareness and such. But at first, I'll just try to find a non-religious choir to join after the holidays. I really want to get to know my voice better and train it to be able to control it better and sing without getting tired, along with wanting to find some real life friends in this area. My life is on the internet, and as happy as I may be with that, I would like to have a life offline too!

Today I've had my nose piercing for a week, and it looks and feels fine which means it's healing the way it should. Mum didn't see it until yesterday, and when she saw it she actually didn't get mad at me but said it was OK and started to rant about eyebrow piercings and lip piercings instead. Dad seems to not have noticed, or he just didn't mention seeing it, I don't know which. No one in the Christmas party yesterday seem to have noticed it anyways as no one mentioned it. But I see that as a good thing, it means my nose piercing fits me and doesn't become a huge scream in my face, it just melts in with my general look :)

Winter seems to have got to my hands now. I normally don't have issues with dry skin or anything, but now I seem to have very dry skin or some kind of rash on my right hand. It's not itching really, but the skin looks very dry and a bit red, and it stings a bit. Quite annoying, but I think some good hand cream I have at home should fix it.

Now I really should get my hair dry and get ready for sleep. It's nearly midnight and I have work tomorrow.

Posting from the train.

2010-11-26T20:19:00.002+01:00

Sitting on a train now, on my way to my parents and childhood home village :)
As I was waiting for the train in Copenhagen main station, I was listening to a choir singing carols in the main hall, and quietly singing along. Made me want to join a choir actually. Think maybe I'll look into that after the holidays. Problem is, most choirs are church based, and as an atheist I'd rather sing non-religious songs.
I'll look into it anyways. The inspiration from this morning mentioned in my previous post today still lingers with me. But guess I'll have to start small and get to know my voice before possibly taking it another step.
But I have ideas, big ideas... Oh how I wish it could be reality one day :)

Right now though, my main focus is to not sing loud on the train, and to catch my 2 connection trains. My connections were tight to begin with, currently running 20 minutes late makes me feel pretty stressed. Can't enjoy the train journey the same way I'd normally do as I constantly worry about having to run between platforms or maybe miss a connection and not knowing how to get to my parents place! My first connection is too far away from my home village so I can not possibly have my parents come pick me up there! Think it's like 130-150km away from my home village. Should I run too late for 2nd connection it's not as bad as it is "only" 55km from home village.
I don't normally take this route with the train, but this time it was the departure from Copenhagen that fit best with my work schedule along with arriving home village a bit earlier. Normally I go along the west coast and just change train in Gothenburg.

Oh well. Will keep you updated :)

Now that's an idea!

2010-11-26T07:58:00.001+01:00

It's early morning and I've slept too little again and got up at 6am to prepare the last things for the travel this afternoon along with already being on my way to work about an hour earlier than normal for a Friday.
Now while I was waiting for my commuter train at central station a few minutes ago, an idea took shape in my mind. An idea which will take a lot of time, energy and skill along with a group of people sharing the same passion. Maybe one day I'll be there... With a lot of luck... Oh well, one can have dreams. But I sure would like to at some point in my life, sing with a passionate choir out in the towns in whatever country I live in at the time, raising awareness for various diseases and conditions that today has no cure, any money donated by audience would go straight to an organization which is working on finding a cure!

Now I may just be too sleepy. But this feels like something worth to work hard for!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

I've found myself at last!

2010-11-25T22:35:00.002+01:00

I had a rough day at work today with a lot of problems with things which made me having to run after certain people rather than actually working. Problems still not solved, but that will have to be someone else project for tomorrow as I'm going to do other things tomorrow at work!
Anyways, so there I was, having a lousy day and the only light in my day was the music streaming through my earphones, filling me up with wonderful tones. A thought came into my head: I believe in music, Queen is my religion and Freddie Mercury is my God!

Ever since I started to really listen to Queen, my life has just changed so much! A bit like when someone suddenly become a Christian or whatever other religion.

If listening carefully to the lyrics in Queen songs, almost all of them have a kind of encouraging message hidden in them.

Listening to the incredible musical talent of Queen, Freddie's magical voice and reading his life story, I've started to believe in myself in a way I've never really done before. I feel encouraged to develop the talents I do have, talents which has just been there for years but pretty much been forgotten lately.

It's a wonderful feeling really!

This weekend I'll be traveling to my home village to be with my family for the weekend. Saturday brings an Advent family gathering at my Aunt's house and I'm really looking forward to it! The only thing I don't really look forward to is the long train trip tomorrow pretty much directly after work. I'm off work at 5pm, my train leaves Central station at 6.19pm (I'll have about 40 minutes wait in Central station after work), and then I'll arrive my home village at 11.22pm! Add poor sleep for the last 1+ week and going to work overtime tomorrow morning because work is so busy these days.

I'm really quite amazed about what some music can do with someone's life. Just a few weeks ago I still felt quite down and didn't see much light in my life. And now I'm a very happy 25 year old woman who takes on each day with a smile and laugh while singing with joy within, and singing out loud at home too ;) People around me can notice a difference too.

Now I'll sing quietly for a bit more while making sure I've packed the things I'm bringing for the weekend, and then time to sleep! Tomorrow will be a long day!

Dear Freddie

2010-11-24T21:21:00.003+01:00

Today it's been 19 years since you left earth life. I've been thinking of it all day today while I was working. Have been watching some videos on youtube this evening, and my video for you came up late last night after I had gone to sleep.
I don't really know what to write today, I'm just too sad I guess.

Here's the video I made anyways.

I hope you like it. I'm no good at making videos, but I just felt I wanted to do something for this day.

Hope all is well in heaven!

R.I.P Freddie! We still love you!

An open letter to Freddie Mercury.

2010-11-23T20:49:00.004+01:00

Dear Freddie
It's been 19 years today since the world found out about your AIDS. I don't remember the day, nor the day you passed away as I was only 6 years old at that time.
The world has changed a lot through the years since your passing. Mobile phones has become something everyone has now, TV's are flat and in high definition, music is mainly made on computers, computers which are small enough to carry around and they work very fast. People mostly listen to music on something called MP3 player and the device is tiny yet holds a huge storage capacity, you'd easily be able to store all songs ever made by you and Queen in one device.
Pretty much the only thing that hasn't changed much is people's love and passion for you and for Queen. The music you made, the songs you sang, they are timeless! And your voice is still considered the best by many, and I don't think anyone can ever have a better voice than you!
I have been watching music videos of Queen and your solo career on a site called youtube, and that site also has videos of some of your live performances. You were totally amazing on stage Freddie!
I don't think we'll ever see anyone else with the same talent as you had when it comes to music. You were such a natural with everything you did! Your voice is magic, your piano skill is incredible, and your ability to write music just stunning.
I used to take violin lessons when I was younger, I played for little more than 5 years and wasn't too bad at it. I also have some ability to play by ear, but I'm no where near as good as you when it comes to playing by ear.
You're my inspiration! Since I started listening to your magic voice, which is quite recently I'm ashamed to say (what have I been listening to all these years?), it woke something within me! I've decided to take up music in my life again now. I'm about to learn how to really play on my keyboard which has 61 keys, and I'm planning to start learning guitar too, and I want to learn how to control my voice when I sing. My voice is not too bad, I'm just too shy to let it out, and I don't have much control over it and get tired fast. I want to change that!

I'm however sad to say that even if 19 years has passed now, far too many around the world still see homosexuality and bisexuality as something bad or wrong. One would think the world would change after so many years, but no, there's still people who have to hide their true self because the surrounding can't accept what's "different". I'm hetero myself, but I see nothing wrong with bisexuality or homosexuality. Love is love!
I'm also sad to announce that HIV/AIDS still doesn't have a cure even if more is known about it today than when you were alive.
After you passed away, the remaining members of Queen started a fund raising for AIDS awareness in your honor. It's called Mercury Phoenix Trust. They've raised millions through the years, and I'm planning to make an annual donation to the Mercury Phoenix Trust to honor your memory and help others who are in the same situation as you once were.

You were such a strong person Freddie, daring to be yourself to the fullest, being open about who you truly were, yet off stage you managed to keep your private life private and that's just amazing! I really admire you Freddie for all this!

I wish you could still be among us in person, you'd be an older man today, possibly retired from the stage but most likely still making incredible music.

As it is now, you may not be able to be here in person, but in the heart and soul of your family, friends and fans, you live forever and will never be forgotten!

Thank You Freddie for once being among us, sharing your wonderful voice and talent with the world!

I hope you are at peace in Heaven.

Oh, and I hope you like the tribute video I put together for you. But it seems youtube is a bit slow on processing so I'll have to post it for you as soon as it is up.

Yours sincerely.

Jennie

Little bit more than 24h in :)

2010-11-22T23:42:00.002+01:00

So I've had my nose bling since yesterday afternoon. So far so good. I don't feel it's there, no issues with it what so ever! Just had a laugh at work today in the afternoon as it took almost all day before anyone even noticed I had it! So my nose piercing is the way I want it to be- nice and discrete and behaving :)
It will just be interesting to see if my parents will notice it this coming weekend. I won't be stupid enough to tell them ;) If they spot it, I think dad will not say much, mum will call me incredibly stupid.
But really, it's just a tiny little nose stud, barely visible. I like it a lot anyways! Should I get tired of it sometime in the future, it will be such a tiny mark it will barely be visible. Now if I had got a tattoo done, I'd think about it for longer than I did before getting this piercing. I've actually been wanting to get a tattoo since I was 18, and I'm 25 now and still haven't decided on what and where.
Maybe one day I'll find the perfect tattoo and have it done. But now is not that day.

Small changes that makes a big difference

2010-11-21T19:07:00.002+01:00

Today I've had one of those pretty boring Sundays, both with everything in Copenhagen being closed and having to do the laundry along with the grey and generally dull weather. I just felt like doing something! So I took the train over to Malmö in Sweden in the early afternoon, went to a shopping mall and step into a piercing studio! 40 minutes later I go back to the very same piercing studio and had a nose piercing done! I had been considering getting a nose piercing for some time, just felt I wanted to change something with my look a tiny bit, but I had definitely not planned on having it done today or even before the new year! But anyways, now I have it! I barely felt it at all, and less than an hour later I had already gotten used to the piercing and don't even notice it's there. I had somewhat expected it to be painful, and having tears, but nope, painless and no tears! I only got a little watery in my eyes as when you're about to sneeze but the sneeze doesn't come, but never needed to wipe my eyes.
Ever since I had the piercing done this afternoon, I just feel great! Such a small change really boosted my self confidence!
And while I waited for my appointment at the studio, I went to do some shopping. Bought a stand for my laptop to be able to have it at an angle, and bought a cable adapter for earphones as my keyboard uses the bigger connection and all earphones are the small connection.
All in all, a great weekend with cinema yesterday, buying a lot of Queen CD's and getting that nose piercing done today and finding a cable adapter :)

Next weekend I'll be at my parents place again, for the first time since mid October. If my parents even notices my nose piercing, at least mum will call me incredibly stupid LOL But I'm 25 and can do what I want!

Ambidextrous people rock the world!

2010-11-20T23:47:00.003+01:00

By the word pretty much ;) As I was looking for pictures of Freddie for a tribute video I made yesterday as November 24th is the day he passed away in 1991, I found a photo of him playing guitar left handed, which made me pretty sure he was ambidextrous. Some googling today, and my guess was right!
I'm ambidextrous myself, and it's so handy! In fact, I remember this one time when I was going to hold a guitar for the first time ever, think it was in music class in junior school, I first held it as a left handed would and this was before I even found out I'm ambidextrous. I found out I'm ambidextrous 10 years ago now, when I was 15, until then I was right handed with left handed tendencies like wearing my watch on right wrist- something I've always done ever since having those plastic toy watches that always breaks after 2 minutes ;)
Today I mix between writing with left and right, but for many other things I'm left handed. I can't for e.g brush my teeth with right hand, while I do brush my hair mostly with right hand. As for using the tape at work, I almost always use left hand, same goes for cutting down cardboard boxes.
At work I'm funnily enough not the only ambidextrous. I have a couple of workmates who are ambidextrous too, even though they seem to be a bit more right handed.

And they say being ambidextrous is rare? I know several ambidextrous people around the world, and many musicians are ambidextrous too. It's a good thing when playing an instrument :) Maybe that's why violin wasn't too difficult for me...
And no, I haven't learned to be ambidextrous, nor have someone taught me to in my childhood. I just tried writing with left when I was 15 and it worked! After that I've just tried more and more to compare my ability in both hands. The only thing I can't do with left hand is using scissors but I even know purely left handed people who can't use scissors with left hand, no matter what kind of scissors it is.

Being ambidextrous really gives you the best out of two worlds! I think it will come very handy too now when I'm wanting to learn to play keyboard properly, and not just play one handed melodies. Should I try guitar too, it will be interesting to see which will feel better, left or right.

Oh gosh am I rambling or what. It's midnight, I've slept too little all week and felt craptastic most of the evening so I guess that's why I just type out these kinds of random ramblings about whatever.

Oh well, here's the photo I found which made me google and is the reason behind this long post.

Finding your inspiration and motivation

2010-11-20T20:00:00.003+01:00

For the past few days I've felt so inspired to start with music again so yesterday I went to my rental storage room and picked up fairly big keyboard (all in all 61 keys) which I haven't been playing on for years really. Being without car these days, going to my storage room meant having to take the bus there (could have walked, but weather was bad) and then carry above mentioned keyboard to bus stop, and then from bus stop to home. Anyways, I got my keyboard home, with it's support legs and cable, in the rain which may still have been snow mixed. Now I'm looking up piano and keyboard lessons online to really learn how to play keyboard. Until now I've only been playing by ear, which worked fine until now when I've set a goal to myself to learn Bohemian Rhapsody ;) 7 pages of sheet music and said to be very difficult to learn.

I've found musical inspiration from Queen and Freddie Mercury's amazing talent, especially Freddie is an inspiration for me with his incredible talent for writing music and playing the piano and sing. Another reason I look up to him is how he, despite being so desperately ill, never gave up! He kept singing until the very end. So if he could do that, then I should be able to really learn how to play keyboard, right?
I do have a fair music ear after playing by ear on small keyboard since I was very young, I actually had a keyboard when I was really little, and it was broken so it only worked if leaning it against something while up-side down! You could even say I learned how to play up-side down ;) After playing violin for over 5 years while in middle, junior and early high school, I do know how to read music too, I just need to learn it on keyboard as well.
I've also started to try to improve my voice a bit and learn how to control it. It's not because I want to become a star or even go to an IDOL tryout, it's just because I WANT to do this as a hobby. I'm also planning to start playing some guitar just for fun, that's something I've never tried before.
I guess I just feel I need a hobby to do at home, after work which doesn't require much time and effort. I'd love to start dancing, but with my work hours it's difficult to go somewhere to attend something after work. Singing, playing guitar and keyboard is something I can do while I wait for my hair to dry in the evenings.
Internet has been my main hobby for too long now, it's time to let creativity flow!

If you are going through some difficult times, or have something in life that just complicates things a bit (like a chronic disease, just to mention something), find someone to look up to! If he or she can do it, you can too!

Nothing is impossible!

Have made a decision.

2010-11-17T23:17:00.002+01:00

I'm going to pick up my keyboard in my rental storage room this weekend! I'm so in the mood to start playing again. I used to have bit of a talent to play by ear both on keyboard and violin. I want to start with that again, and really learn to play keyboard! My keyboard is almost the size of a piano, so it's not one of them toy ones. Mine is a real one, from Casio.
I don't know about today, but I used to have a good music ear a few years back, think it's still there, I just need to start with the music again.
May attempt to play Bohemian Rhapsody by ear, who knows.
If I can play Schindler's list on violin without ever seeing the music sheet for it, I should be able to play parts of Bohemian Rhapsody on keyboard... When I played Schindler's list by ear I had not even learned the highest tones in it in violin class yet (and never did) I just found them.

Best song by Queen, ever!

2010-11-16T20:52:00.003+01:00

I've totally fallen for Queen in the last few days, especially the song The show must go on. Today while I was listening to it at work on my iPhone, I started analyzing the content of the lyrics while listening, realizing that this song sounds like a kind of farewell song. By the sound of it, I just made a wild guess that it was written after Freddie Mercury got his AIDS diagnosis. Did a google search to know more after I got home from work today, and it truly brought me to tears when I found out that the song was written in the very end of Freddie's life. Upon recording it, he was so ill he could barely stand on his legs! Yet he nailed the song completely. The rest of Queen never even thought he'd be able to sing it in his usual way, but he did! The single was released on October 14th 1991, just 6 weeks before Freddie passed away. It was before he even had made it public that he had AIDS.
Knowing this now, makes me realize the lyrics of the song has a hidden message in it, telling his fans that the show must go on even after he's gone. He's in the song discretely saying he's dying. He knew he didn't have much time left.
It's the last song he ever recorded, yet his voice is flawless!
Singing and smiling until the very end...

Some people seem to be of the opinion that Freddie brought on HIV/AIDS on him because of his sexual preferences. To those people I want to say: It can happen ANYONE if not being careful! Freddie was just unfortunate to catch the infection and it has nothing to do with him being bisexual! It's especially unfortunate that he caught the infection back in the days where there wasn't much knowledge about it, and no good medications for it.
It's tragic how he passed, and I can't even imagine how much suffering he must have been going through before he finally got to rest.

NEVER say that someone brought on a disease on themselves! Doesn't matter what disease it is or the severity of it.

But seriously! Do let him love who ever he loves and loved! There's absolutely nothing wrong with bisexual or homosexual relations! LOVE IS LOVE!

This last part I just had to let out. Some comments on youtube really made me upset!

Now do enjoy this masterpiece and let the show go on!

(On an additional note, in case someone wonder: I'm hetero and have never had any kind of STD or any other potentially dangerous infection)

I accept people as they are!

Monday morning

2010-11-15T08:24:00.001+01:00

So it's yet another *beep* Monday. Sums it up what I think about Mondays right?
Sitting on the train to work now, out unusually early because I finished fast at home today and saw no reason to linger and do nothing for half an hour.
Today is going to be a painfully long day! I didn't fall asleep until about 1am last night and I've slept late all weekend to be honest. Just so many things going on on the Internet in my evenings and nights. Getting stuck listening to music doesn't really help you falling asleep either.
Oh well, I'd better round off here as I'm arriving my train station in a few minutes.
Have a great Monday (if there's such a thing as great Mondays) ;)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

World Diabetes Day!

2010-11-14T20:33:00.003+01:00

Happy World Diabetes Day everyone!
Hope you all have a great day where ever you are in the world!
I'm wearing blue today, even though I've mostly been at home. Just went downstairs to do laundry earlier today. I would have liked to go into Copenhagen today to take a look around town to see if any building or monument had been lit in blue, but as the public transportation to the central part of Copenhagen is not at its best on Sundays, unless I wanted to take the detour past central station of course, along with it being misty and rainy all day, I decided to just stay at home.

But since blue is the color to wear today, I think this video fit in very well. Yes, look, a whole music video full of little blue Diabetes awareness men!

And again, just like yesterday, I want to say a BIG THANK YOU to Dr Banting and Best for discovering insulin! And THANK YOU all scientists who keep improving the insulin and delivery methods for it to make life better and easier for millions of people world wide.

Happy Birthday Sir Frederick Banting! I hope you are proud over the developments that has been made since you first started treating diabetes patients with insulin back in the 1920's. Without you, many of my friends would not be here today. Thank you for saving so many lives!

The day before WDD!

2010-11-13T12:04:00.002+01:00

Tomorrow is World Diabetes Day! It's celebrated annually on November 14th in honor of Sir Frederick Bantings birthday. Millions of people around the world have Mr Banting and his fellow scientists to thank for still being alive.
His discovery of Insulin has saved and is still saving so many lives everyday. I thank him and his fellow scientists for discovering insulin, and scientists after him for developing better insulin types and more accurate and painless ways of injecting it.
I want to say thank you to all scientists who do their best to improve quality of life for people with diabetes by coming up with new and better ways for keeping diabetes in control, and who work night and day with finding a cure!

Blue is the awareness color for diabetes. Tomorrow millions of people around the world will wear something blue, you can do it too! I will!

Do feel welcome in joining in on the Big Blue Test tomorrow at 2pm your local time if you have diabetes, or if you know someone will diabetes, invite them to join in on it. In the meantime please watch the video and help save a child with diabetes :)

If you don't have diabetes and don't know someone who has. You can still participate in World Diabetes Day by wearing something blue to show your support, and maybe spend a few minutes on learning something about diabetes that you didn't know before.

A musical nostalgy trip

2010-11-12T19:13:00.003+01:00

Friday evening and I got home from work about an hour ago. Just in the mood to listen to music and go onto Youtube, search ABBA and the Friday evening is complete! ABBA is timeless, and was still played a bit when I was really young. I'm born in the mid 80's. Sitting here listening to ABBA almost makes me wish I grew up in the 70's, the decade with GOOD MUSIC! Most of the songs made today sound like a combination of metal workshop and torture of a turkey! And tone deaf ear torture #1 is no other than Rihanna, closely followed by Ke$ha. I can't stand those two at all!

Right now watching and listening to I have a dream by ABBA, and I see potential to re-do the lyrics on it a bit. Maybe a project for the future. Right now I'm just enjoying the music. It's my favourite song by ABBA!

It's wonderful with weekend now. Going to enjoy every second of it. And do what I can to spread awareness on International Diabetes awareness day on Sunday! It's about time the general population get an idea what it's like for all those million of people living with the condition! I have many friends living with type 1 and family living with type 2. I consider myself a type 3, which is not a diagnose but a person who cares and know a little bit about the condition.

I often sit and google things for friends, especially one friend in China who doesn't know much about what's out there on the market. I try to help him get the hang of things, find better ways of managing his condition. He rarely or never test his blood sugar levels, and even after 6 years of type 1, he's on a pre-mixed insulin twice daily and those few times in a year when he does test his levels, he's always high. I'm seriously worried! He's only 32, and not many years into living with diabetes, so it's not too late for him to take control! But the way it's going now, I'm fearing to soon hear from him that he's got complications!
I'm not pushing him or anything. I'm just looking things up, ask him how he's doing and try to get him more motivated.

OK, now this post become quite a mess of things. But I had to get it all out!

If you have read my ramblings this far, do spend another 2 minutes and help save a child's life!

The trains in Copenhagen

2010-11-12T08:42:00.000+01:00

As in any bigger city, Copenhagen has a wide network of public transport through the city and suburbs. With so much public transportation available one would think this city is a commuter heaven. But it isn't!
There's hardly one day without delays, cancelled trains or waiting for signals, or what about people talking on the phone or playing music too loud in the silent area of the train!
I have a 20 minute drive to work from home, but as I don't have a car now I'm forced to go by train, and that takes an hour, not including the possible problems that may occur on the way.
Since yesterday the commuter trains within the city has problems due to a fallen power line in one station, and it's not the first time the power lines fall down. Haven't they heard about screwdrivers and maintenance here? In spring I had 2 days in a week with fallen power lines so it took me twice as long to get home! Ended up having to be picked up by car both those days.
Thanks heaven it's Friday today, only need to go home from work in the afternoon and then I'm off commuting for 2 days and can spend my time on more important things than waiting for late trains and having to listen to other peoples MP3 players in the silent part of the train!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Finally Friday!

2010-11-12T08:17:00.000+01:00

Feels like it's been a long week even if it hasn't been longer than any week. So much has changed in the past week in a way. I've made some pretty big decisions in the past few days, found new friends and decided on a few things I'd like to do. But more of all this when I'm not sitting on a train and being about to change trains ;)

Just random.

2010-11-11T20:42:00.003+01:00

I have a tendency to sometimes make my own words, or at least I think so. Anyways, it's words others MAY use, but I've never seen before. Today another popped into my head when reading on twitter in my afternoon break at work. My friend Anna woke up low in the middle of the night last night, and when she woke up this morning I asked her if the "hypo fairy" was gone.

A hypo fairy low is a low which comes very unexpected and preferably in the night- as if a fairy just blows some fairy dust on someone and the dust makes blood sugar go low.

Hypo fairy has a sister too, but they're like night and day. While hypo fairy likes to make people go low when least expecting it, her sister Hyper fairy likes to spread sugar dust and hidden carbohydrates around her where ever she goes, making it extremely difficult for a PWD to calculate the carbohydrates.

But the worst of all has to be Mr DKA who has a crush on Hyper fairy. It's when they go out on a date things can go really bad really fast for the PWD who only wants to have good, stable blood sugar levels, or even better: A CURE!

But until Diabetes has a cure, there's only one thing for PWD's to do. Rely on the superhero Insulin who always comes to the rescue when Hyper fairy has been in the neigbourhood ;)

Interesting measurement units

2010-11-10T20:42:00.003+01:00

I had a pretty interesting discussion with a couple of friends over Twitter last night regarding measurement units. I'm born and raised with the metric system and celcius so that's what I know. Needless to say I had no clue about anything when I came to USA in 2003 and everything was in ft, miles and Farenheit! Same goes for my trips to UK in 2004 and 2006 when they were talking yards all the time. The imperial measurements just don't make any sense to me at all! And what's even worse has to be when people are driving on the wrong side of the road! RIGHT is right, left side is just... wrong.

But what started the discussion then? Well, such a simple thing as diabetes awareness and the different measurement units used between countries to measure the concentration of glucose in the blood. Most countries use something called mmol/l, while USA together with very few other countries uses mg/dl. To convert between them is simple enough, divide by 18 from mg/dl to mmol/l, or multiply with 18 if converting from mmol/l to mg/dl. Comparing the two of them made me think about how accurate they are. Both are accurate, but I do feel mg/dl is more easy to understand in a way, even if mmol/l is the system used here. I guess it has to do with mg and dl being common measurements, while mmol is a bit more difficult to get the hang of as it isn't as frequently used outside science class.
It will be highly interesting to see if in the future, there will be only one system used for measuring glucose and other medical values.

On Sunday it's international Diabetes awareness day. I'm already wearing blue and hoping people around me will get the point ;)
If you have a couple of minutes to spare, do watch this video and help save a child with diabetes!

The best weekend in a long time!

2010-11-08T21:48:00.002+01:00

This weekend, I tried something I've never tried before- video chatting in a chat room! I had such a great time and made some new online friends too! I haven't had that much fun in a very long time, and seeing everyone and talking rather than only typing makes it feel like you're in the same room in a way, even if the people in the chat room is half a world away from where I am.
For the first time in quite a while, I actually felt happiness again! And I was truly laughing because I had fun.

I haven't blogged for a while. I just haven't had the strength to do so. I think I'm strong enough now.

For those of you who have been reading my blog before, you know I'm married and very much in love. Well, in September, my world fell apart when my husband quite suddenly left me and a couple of days later said he wanted a divorce and that he hasn't loved me for years if he ever even did love me at all. It was him proposing marriage and everything! It has taken quite some time to get back on track from all this, I was even on sick leave from work for 3 weeks to get myself together again and spend some time with my family who lives hours away from me.

As of today, I haven't heard a word from my husband for three weeks, no phone call, no SMS or anything, I've just seen him signing on MSN every once in a while, but he doesn't write to me and I don't write to him. I'm determined to not be the one breaking the silence between us as it was him who did all this!
He's the one wanting a divorce, but I'm the one who's been having to look everything up on how to do it. I've made my decision now: I'm going to file the divorce! It's what he wants, but I want to move out of this apartment where we used to live together. It's just too many memories here and it can never feel like MY home because of that. I need a new beginning, a place to call my own and closer to my job. I have something called flexibility in the waiting list in the part of town where my work is located, but before that county can help me now they need divorce papers from me or something called separation approval. I see no reason to bullshit with the separation approval so I'll go straight onto divorce. My husband has moved out and we're no longer living together and don't have any intention to live together again.

After the shock of him leaving me, the man who was my true love. I've realized I deserve better than that. But I'll let things take its time and I won't go looking for a new man in my life. Should Mr Right cross my path, it's destiny who wants it that way!

So... Now you know why I've been so silent for almost 2 months. And the fun I had this weekend made me pretty much forget all my sorrows and I felt true happiness again!

I want to say Thank You to all my friends, old or new, online or offline, near or far, for making life worth living! Love you all! <3

I'm too old for this...

2010-09-11T22:17:00.002+02:00

Really, I feel I'm too old to do so many things which most people in their 20's do. I turn 25 next month, but according to a test my "real" age should be 40! And I'm sad to say I do feel more like I'm 40 than about to turn 25.

I feel I'm too old for going out clubbing and such, and I've never had an interest going out.

I prefer to sit at home, relaxing in my spare time.

I like to sleep before midnight even in weekends.

I do not drink alcohol, except for the very very occasional cider and then it's only ONE at a time.

I have a full time employment since 2 years.

I'm not having any globetrotter ambitions, like backpack travel around the globe.

One of my best ways to relax is to read a good book and have a cup of tea.

I sit and complain about today's youth and get along with older people easily and always have.

Really, does my life really sound like the life of a soon 25 year old? I think not!

What I'm really longing for now is for me and my husband to move into a bigger apartment, and I'm so wanting to become a mother real soon!

If my husband was to take the "real age" test, he'd most likely not even be 20 years old. He's out late (too often, in my opinion), he's still a student who has never had more than student jobs yet and he wants to wait with having kids for a while longer.

I'm feeling the time is right to have a family, I DO NOT want to be close to 30 or over 30 when having a child! My parents were over 30 when I was born, and it is something that always bother me and pretty much makes me depressed- I have old parents! And the thoughts comes: How long will I get with them? Will they be able to babysit their grandchild and maybe bring that child out on mini vacations?

My parents age and my age, it's something constantly on my mind, and as for becoming a mother, I feel the biological clock is ticking...

It really saddens me...

Höst

2010-09-01T21:26:00.002+02:00

Usch, nu är det höst! September, första höstmånaden. Vill ha sommar året runt ju!

Har fortfarande inte fått min jävla iPhone 3GS från 3! Ringde senast i Måndags, och då hade de inkompetenta idioterna tappat bort min försändelse och inte ens börjat leta trots att jag ringde förra Tisdagen också. Fan, jag beställde ju telefonen i Juli! Hur jävla svårt kan det va att bara ta en returnerad försändelse som sändes till fel adress, och bara framsända den till RÄTT adress.
Börjar tröttna på att vänta nu!

Ibland har man bara oflyt!

2010-08-28T17:34:00.002+02:00

Som när kopplingen på bilen går sönder tex. Eller när man får vänta i 6 veckor på att en jäkla telefon ska komma med posten!

Förra Fredagen gick kopplingen på bilen och denna reparation går på nätta 6800 danska kronor! Och jag har fått åka buss och tåg i en vecka igen. Jag som hade tänkt slippa det kollektiva ett bra tag framöver! Så blev det alltså inte.

Beställde i Juli(!) en iPhone 3GS från 3's webshop i Danmark. De har leverans inom 1-5 vardagar efter att man beställt. Om två dagar har det gått 6 veckor sedan jag beställde min telefon och den har fortfarande inte kommit! Först skickades den till min gamla adress, och när den så blev returnerad till 3 (några timmar innan jag kom till det gamla posthuset för att hämta den) så kunde 3's lager inte hitta telefonen fick jag höra i Tisdags när jag ringde IGEN, men att de skulle leta efter den och sända den eller en annan så jag kunde räkna med att ha min telefon om 2-3 dagar. Det har nu gått 4 dagar (ja, det är postutdelning även på Lördagar i Danmark) och FORTFARANDE ingen avi från posthuset om att jag har paket att hämta!
Får jag inte min telefon på Måndag så ska 3's webshop kundservice få höra på en Svensk som tappat tålamodet! Om de så ska skicka telefonen med all express de kan så ska jag fanimej ha telefonen på Tisdag! Nu har jag väntat allt för länge! Nu har till och med mitt tålamod tagit slut!

Nästa gång jag ska köpa ny telefon så blir det i butik! Och vad ni än gör: KÖP INGEN TELEFON ÖVER 3'S WEBSHOP om ni vill ha telefonen innan nästa millenium!

Kanske flyttar snart :)

2010-08-22T20:26:00.002+02:00

Fick post ifrån Bröndby kommun igår. Ett erbjudande om en lägenhet på 80.4kvm alldeles intill Bröndbyöster station. Min man och jag är nummer två i kön på den lägenheten, och vi har tänkt att tacka ja. Hoppas att vi får den! Vore så skönt att äntligen få en lägenhet stor nog för två vuxna, katt och framtida barn. Får vi bara flyttat så går det ju att börja tänka lite mer i familjebanorna. Är väldigt glad nu!

Idag fick vi lyxat till det lite hemma med middagen också. Lagade hjortytterfilé med kantarellsås och det blev minst sagt en succé!

Har annars inte gjort särskillt mycket idag. Förbereder mig mentalt för att behöva åka kollektivt till jobbet igen eftersom kopplingen på bilen gick sönder på väg till jobbet i Fredags så bilen är på verkstad nu.

Men men, får vi lägenheten så kan jag till och med cykla till jobbet om jag vill, eller åtminstone ta bussen direkt utan att behöva byta transportmedel femtielva gånger!

Äntligen Fredag/Friday at last

2010-08-13T20:08:00.002+02:00

Så jag gick och snackade med vår allvetande sjuksköterska på jobbet idag angående mitt högra ben som gör ont. Hon tyckte jag skulle ringa min läkare direkt, vilket jag gjorde och jag fick en tid redan idag vid lunchtid. Åkte från jobbet vid 11 för att komma i tid till mitt läkarbesök. Läkaren sa att jag inte hade någon propp, och det är ju skönt att höra!
Däremot så har jag en överbelastad sena i foten- den som går från hälen och fram, samt att jag står väldigt mycket på jobbet- ungefär 7 timmar om dagen, har gjort att jag börjat samla lite lite vätska i benen. Fick en sån där elastisk tubbandage historia av läkaren och fick rådet att skaffa ordentliga stödstrumpor att ha på jobbet. Sagt och gjort, blir till att snacka med kundservice's strupguru redan på Måndag!

Just nu sitter jag här i sängen med stödstrumpan på. Benet gör fortfarande rätt så ont och jag är inte gärna uppe och går just nu. Har tagit fram mina gamla kryckor ifall det blir för jobbigt :P

I went to see the know-it-all nurse in customer service at work today regarding my right leg. She said I should call my GP as soon as possible which I did and got an appointment at noon today. Doctor said I did not have a blood cloth, so that's a relief. I do however have an overworked ligament in my foot, the one that goes from the heel and forward, and all the standing at work- 7h per day has made my leg starting to collect a little bit of fluids. I got a piece of tubular bandage from the doctor to use for now, but he did suggest me to wear some kind of support socks at work to see if that helps. So on Monday I'll talk with the support sock guru at work.
I'm wearing my tubular bandage now, my leg still hurts a bit so I'm not really wanting to be up and about much now obviously. Have even taken out my old pair of crutches just in case it gets too troublesome to move around :P

Nä, nu måste jag verkligen få i mig någon middag. Blev inte ens någon lunch idag eftersom jag skulle till läkaren!

Time for a late dinner! I didn't even have lunch today because of my appointment with the doctor!

After dinner I'm going to watch a movie :)

Nearly Friday!

2010-08-12T20:11:00.002+02:00

And man do I need that weekend! I'm so tired and my right leg just doesn't want to behave properly. In fact, this week has been crapish, starting with an early stage migraine on Monday and severe headache on Tuesday meaning two sickdays from work!

And then it's my right leg. It has been acting up since last week sometime. Have pain on the back of my leg and the pain spread on and off to affect my ankle and a point under my foot just in front of the heel. The pain is constant, night and day and it doesn't matter if I'm sitting, standing, walking or laying in bed, it hurts!

Yesterday evening it was bad enough to even make me start limping a bit. I've tried everything I can think of: Massage, stretching, resting and nothing works except for some fairly strong painkillers I'd rather not take, so I only take them for the night and end up having to work while being in pain in daytime. I can get drowsy from those painkillers so it's not something I want to work on or drive while they're peaking!
May contact my GP about this shortly as I don't know what's causing the problem and nothing I've tried for it helps.

For this weekend I have no plans really. May just stay home and relax as much as possible now when there's no class reunion to attend ~500km away (one way). Last weekend I drove 1000km solo in just about 48 hours, and that was after working fulltime all week.
But tiring as it was driving that far, it was so worth it! I had a blast hanging out with some of my classmates again! I haven't met some of them since 2004 when we graduated high school, and have not met any of them since 2005.

Klassträff

2010-08-11T23:30:00.002+02:00

Så för att bryta lite mönster på denna blogg så kommer här ett inlägg på Svenska också för en gångs skull. Verkar inte som det blir så mycket med min Svenska blogg. Undrar vad det kan bero på (kanske att jag aldrig uppdaterar)...
I vilket fall som helst så var jag den gångna helgen uppe i min hemregion Västra Götaland och var med på en liten men mycket trevlig klassträff! Det var inte många som kom, men vi som var där var det där lilla kärngänget som umgicks på gymnasiet och jag hade inte träffat någon av dem sedan 2005 och en del inte sedan vi tog studenten 2004.
Körde upp till mina föräldrar i Fredags efter jobbet. 40 mil enkel resa, men det är inga problem för min del att köra såpass långt. I Lördags hade jag 13 mil enkel resa till klassträffen så då blev det ytterligare 26 mil och jag kom hem till mina föräldrar igen mitt i natten. I Söndags var det så dags att åka hem till Köpenhamn igen, de där 40 milen. Trött var jag och regnade gjorde det! Men det gick ändå. Såg knappt vägen från Halmstad och ner men det är en annan historia.
Blev allt som allt lite mer än 100 mil på en helg, solo! Men det var det värt :)

If you can't read the text above, you may ask me to translate it ;) I just don't have the energy to write it all over again but in a 2nd language right now. 11.40pm so it's time for bed^^

It hurts...

2010-08-01T13:57:00.002+02:00

It hurts when a group members festival is more important than spending quality time together.
It hurts when a friend moving is more important than spending quality time together.
It hurts when even 5 minutes of cuddle is too much to ask for after hours apart.
It hurts when you don't tell me things early.
It hurts when yet another weekend is spent mostly alone.

It hurts so bad I want to scream, throw things around and even hurt myself. But do I? No, because that's how I know you don't want to see me...

All this has happened in the last few days- AGAIN... Yes, I'm hurt and yes I'm crying. Yes, I'm considering cutting myself to let the pain out, but it just gives such horrid scars so I'm not going to and have never done in past either.
I'll just be a good wife and tidy the laundry and clean the bathroom all while the tears are streaming down my face over yet another weekend lost.

China!

2010-07-05T15:56:00.002+02:00

I have been silent for a while on here, it's not because I have forgotten my blog or anything. I've just been too busy first hosting parents for a week in China and then doing a lot of other things and generally just enjoying my vacation!
As I write this, I'm sitting in Suzhou, China. I've been here for three weeks now and staying until July 8th.
A lot of things has happened these three weeks. My parents came with my husband and I and stayed for a week to attend our 2nd wedding reception which was held in Suzhou on June 19th and had roughly 200 guests! But the days up to the wedding party were busy sightseeing in Suzhou as it was my parents first and maybe only time coming here.
I have of course taken many photos but as I don't have all of them in my computer yet I'll wait with uploading any on here.
A more detailed blog post will be up once I'm back in Europe too. It's 10pm here now and I'm not feeling too well due to some stomach issues which I'm 100% sure are NOT tourist related. Feels more like I might be sensitive towards something.
Anyways, I need to get my beauty sleep now, I really look like something the cat has brought in!

Nearly there!

2010-06-09T22:33:00.003+02:00

Just another two days of work before my vacation begins. I'm yet to even start packing for the trip to China, but seeing I have an hour's travel ONE way to and from work, I have a good excuse... When off work at 6pm I'm rather lucky to be home at 7pm and the first thing I have to do when coming home is to take a shower.
Today wasn't one of those smooth days travel wise... I had an errand at Bodyshop in Central station of Copenhagen on my way home- wanted to buy a gift for my Father-in-law, and when I came out from the shop going to the platform and saw the screens... DELAYS! And cancellations! And more delays...
Called my husband who did offer to pick me up by car, but I decided it was good enough if he could just pick me up at a bus stop somewhere not too far away from home. Said and done, I went out to the bus station and took a 5A towards the airport, got off not far from a crossing where that bus goes left and the way home is right and there my husband picked me up minutes later. Thanks heaven we have a car!

It's been a generally pretty lousy day. The 8 hours at work felt like at least 12, and the strike in Post Denmark didn't make it any better! We worked hard, but not much left the building since Post Denmark didn't come to pick it up. Now we have a fair amount of packages waiting for the post, and a whole lot of customers waiting for their supplies which in some cases might keep them alive and in other cases offer convenience and flexibility. Now if I had been working in a book store with mail service, I wouldn't have been too upset if customers had to wait an extra day for their orders, but I'm NOT working with books, I'm working with medical supplies! What if a customer has run out of supplies? You can't really walk into a pharmacy and find EVERYTHING, sometimes even a pharmacy has to specially order home something for a customer...

Now maybe I should take a look at my luggage for Sunday. Start packing a bit :) My hair is not nearly dry enough for going to sleep yet =X

Almost there!

2010-05-28T15:08:00.004+02:00

It's just about two weeks to go now until my husband and I and my parents will go to China! Time really flies past.
I have most things settled for the trip. Got my Chinese visa earlier this week and have planned or already bought the things that I'm going to bring on my vacation both for myself and gifts for my in-laws. I just need to find some more summer clothes and possibly one more pair of nice looking shoes that are both cool (as in not covering too much), light (in case I don't wear them on the flights) and comfortable enough to be worn for a whole day and not JUST when going out to have dinner. It's easier said than done to find something, but lets face it, I haven't really looked too much either yet ;)

My husband and I are driving up to Gothenburg on Thursday afternoon to visit the Chinese consulate on Friday morning to have our translated and stamped marriage certification legalized by the consulate so we can use it in China and register our marriage in China too! It would have been oh so easy if that paper could have been legalized by the consulate or embassy here in Copenhagen, but since the document is issued in Sweden, it has to be legalized by the embassy or consulate in Sweden, and the consulate in Gothenburg is the closest to us in Sweden.
Nevertheless, it's a good 3-4 hours drive to go there! Fortunately my parents live not far from Gothenburg, so we're just going to my hometown and take a day trip to Gothenburg to fix our document. And since we're going over to Sweden in the coming week, we'll just do our last minute shopping in Gothenburg instead of going over to Malmö for shopping next weekend (which was the original plan until finding out we needed to go to the consulate in Gothenburg).

Oh, and you may wonder why I'm blogging at this time of the day as I'd normally work until 5pm (3.20pm now). I'm home from work today due to a bad shoulder pain this morning which made it difficult to even lift my arm, along with some pretty bad blisters on my feet and generally not feeling too well. Could say I finally listened to my body eh?

I'm still struggling with my stomach pain too. Yesterday I had been in pain continuously for 5 months! Which reminds me that I really need to see a doctor before going to China. The OTC painkillers I'm taking now is just not doing it for me! I stick to them anyways now since they're anti-inflammatory and my stomach pain is not unlikely to be caused by Endometriosis and if that's the case, anti-inflammatory generally works better. Ibuprophen works a bit, but it's just not strong enough to make me pain free. So I hope to get something better from my doctor before going on my vacation.

Oh, long post today. Time for me to rest a bit. Feels like I haven't slept for a week or something.

Just one month to go!

2010-05-13T15:45:00.003+02:00

Today it's just one month left until I'll be flying to China together with my husband and my parents. And yesterday it had been one year since my husband and I got engaged in Suzhou, totally surprising his entire family! And today it's one year since our engagement dinner which my father-in-law arranged in a haste. Or well, the dinner was planned, but he sure got busy with his phone in the evening of may 12 when my husband and I showed the rings *teehee* He had to call all the dinner guests telling them the good news.

I'm moving out from Malmö on this Saturday. I really should prepare more for it but I'll just take it as it is and smash everything into boxes tomorrow. I'm both too tired and in too much discomfort to go over to Malmö today as well. It will be nice moving out and finally having the same address as my husband! Sure, it will be crowded to live 2 adults in a one room apartment, but heck, this apartment is 10m2 bigger than the double room we had when living together in a student dorm room, so living 2 people in a 40m2 one room apartment should work just fine.
It's only temporary anyways as we're waiting for something bigger which is closer to my work. But until we get a 3 room apartment, this will just have to do because it's so unnecessary to pay 2 rents and being together most of the time anyways.
Now we'll share his rent, and I also rent a storage room nearby for storing my things I don't need to have at home at all times. But all in all, that will save a lot of money for both of us, and it saves me about 30-45 minutes each way to and from work to leave Malmö behind once and for all.
I just hope I'll still be able to keep going to my doctor in Malmö as I've been very happy with that doctor ever since the first time needing to make an appointment.
I'll get my "own" GP here in Copenhagen as well once I've moved over with all papers too, but the GP's here generally don't sit in big clinics like the doctors in Sweden. Here most doctors just have some kind of simple reception office where they can only do simple exams and tests. You might even need to go to another place for more advanced labs! In Sweden you have everything under the same roof, including lab. It's only for X-rays you need to go to hospital, most other things can be done in the clinic itself.

Oh well, I'm rambling too much...

Pollen pollen pollen!

2010-04-28T20:33:00.003+02:00

There's a good reason I say I hate spring. I'm allergic to pollen, to many of the pollen in spring on top of that! For the past few weeks I've been sneezing and snivelling constantly without having a cold, and breathing is heavier than normal. I also get tired more easily and out of breath for seemingly nothing.
Right now there's quite a lot of pollen of various kinds outside, but I just can't stay indoor with closed windows when the weather is so nice! Even now I have the window open even though it makes me feel really unwell. But with about 12 degrees at 8.40pm I just don't want to close the window just yet.

Yesterday my husband and I bought our tickets to China, and I bought tickets for my parents too- or well, helped them to buy their tickets. So in June my husband and I and my parents are going to China! It will be my third trip to China and my parents first. My husband comes from China so for him it will be going home. And home we go, to Suzhou. June 19th will be so much more than the wedding between the Swedish crown princess Victoria and her fiance Daniel, it's also the day my husband and I will hold a dinner for his relatives and family friends to celebrate my husband and I got married last October. It will be a neat little dinner with about 100 guests or so and I will be wearing a traditional qipao dress that evening.

Now I'd better go and close that window. My nose is clogging up real bad now :(

Finding the way

2010-04-09T09:31:00.001+02:00

Having grown up and learning to drive before the days of gps in mobile phones along with having good navigators in the family has given me the gift of never getting lost. I tend to say I might be on the wrong road but always on the right way. I have never not been able to find my way back if taking a wrong turn simply because my sense of direction is as strong as if I have a built in compass. My husband on the other hand has no sense of direction what so ever. I often call him a gps dependant, over confident grassfoot, grassfoot being a direct translation of what they call new drivers in China. Long story short, my husband can't even find his own workplace without gps and he's both been going with me and driving himself to that area as it is in the same part of town as my work. Anyways, yesterday he came to pick me up at work and we were going into Copenhagen to eat dinner at a dim sum restaurant. My husband was driving without gps which is fine when I'm in the car too :-P He missed the entrance to the highway of course but my inner feeling told me that we should just continue forward and that the road we were on would connect to a road I know very well, said and done and I was right but my husband missed the left turn and we had to go to a parking lot to turn around- no biggie. Missed another highway entrance but again my inner feeling told me we were on the right way, again I was right! My husband asked several times were the hell we were and every time I had an answer even though I had never been there before. Another few missed turns and seeing the same place twice a couple of times, we arrived our destination thanks to me more or less driving from the passenger seat. I had to tell my husband every turn and remind him to be aware of the lanes :-P GPS? Not for me and in my case it's a waste to have it in my phone. My husband couldn't find his shoes without it ;) I'm starting to wonder who grew up in the country side and who grew up in a city with millions of people... As far as I know my hometown only has 11000 people and it was less when I grew up. My husbands hometown in China is currently having a population of nearly 11 million- that's more than my entire home country! Ah, the joys of driving LOL

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Stress at work, feeling down!

2010-03-24T22:44:00.001+01:00

I posted this in my Facebook a few hours ago and thought I'd post it here as well.

I'm very happy about my job, but have been unfortunate enough to first be diagnosed with B12 deficiency a while ago and just a couple of months later I got this unexplainable abdominal pain. Obviously this has meant quite a lot of sick leave from work in the past few months. I was home on full time from late December until mid February and have since then worked 50% again.
Today I went home after just a couple of hours work. The reason I went home is completely unrelated to my sick leave. I was just driving the for me wrong kind of forklift. I get back, shoulder and neck pain from that kind of small forklift so I don't drive it normally, today I didn't have a choice and got all of the above mentioned pain plus that a disc in my upper back decided to lock- something which can be prevented completely if I drive my usual type of forklift.

A while ago I got a slightly annoyed SMS from my boss saying that I should report to him or the supply chain manager next time I go home. Well, I would have done that but seeing none of them were available at the time I just talked to my team leader. My boss also mentioned that my sick leave expired on the 17th of March and he expect me to be back on full time by April 1st. I have been in contact with my GP clinic, but my doctor didn't have phone appointment time until Friday this week, and I was in contact with the clinic last week already.
This whole mess just stresses me up completely. The pressure from my boss to get me back on full time just makes it feel like they want me to resign or something. I know they mean well and just wanting me back on full time, but there's a huge difference of what you want to do and what you can do. I WANT to just send this abdominal pain to hell, throw my painkillers to the moon, but all this misery behind me and get back to work on full time, but the reality looks different. I'm pretty much struggling through my 4 hours of work, get home with a headache from outer space most days along with increased abdominal pain, I simply CAN'T work much more than my current hours now even if I WANT to.

If I just COULD, I'd WANT to work 10 hours per day when needed!

My reality right now consists struggling through my 4 hours of work, constantly being under the influence of painkillers (Ketoprophen ER), and taking sleeping aid pills almost every evening! This is not the life I want to have. I can't even remember what it feels like to not be under the influence of painkillers and no pain, or the feeling of working an 8 hour shift.

Just because you normally like something...

2010-03-23T21:36:00.002+01:00

Doesn't mean it always tastes good!

I'm not very picky with foods, I just don't eat fish or seafood or odd things (like snakes, bugs, dogs and such).

Anyways. I like tofu and I like green beans. But fermented green beans is just purely sickening, and so is tofu with some salted vegetable (which tastes like strong sea weed), I just can't handle that, it just tastes too bad!

Yesterday I had such an experience in the cafeteria at work. The lunch normally taste good, and I like both rice, beef and bamboo shots. But yesterday's lunch was the 3rd most horrible thing I've ever tasted! It was worse than the worst take-away box you can imagine! The beef was dry and swimming in water which tasted very strongly of bamboo shots which were overcooked, and the rice had some seasoning on top. For crying out loud, you DON'T put seasoning on rice before serving it!

I've cooked similar dishes at home and they always taste good. I like the combination but yesterday was just a MONDAY it seems... Needless to say, I only had a couple of sandwiches for lunch today as the main dish was fish and there were leftovers from yesterday as an option...

Bowling with workmates

2010-03-13T21:24:00.002+01:00

Yesterday the employee social group or whatever you want to call it, had their annual Bowling tournament and dinner. It was my 2nd year attending and even though I was out of energy yesterday and would have preferred to stay at home, I did have a good time. My bowling was worse than ever due to feeling weak and tired, but nevertheless, I did play and managed 2 strike and 2 or 3 spare, bad for me but yeah. As I said to my lane buddies- it's the result of long time sick leave and constant pain and tiredness.

The dinner was just OK. It was an Italian buffet. I guess it was nice for people who like olives, pesto and smelly cheese. I hate olives, pesto and smelly cheese which pretty much left me with a few tomatoes and some lasagna and bread. I simply can't stand Parmesan cheese, how people can eat something like that is for me a mystery. It tastes worse than old socks smell! One of the only Italian cheese I like is Mozzarella, but the mozzarella yesterday was quite odd too. The dessert was just soso as well. I'm not a fan of Tiramisu at all. A vanilla panacotta would have been nicer and not as sickening sweet!

It was a nice evening anyways, despite feeling really tired. I got home again shortly after midnight and went to bed more or less instantly and slept all night.
My husband and I went out shopping today and when we came back home I slept again for like 3 hours. 9.40pm now and I think I'll be off to sleep shortly.

The conclusion: I'm not a fan of Italian food except for pizza, pasta and lasagna. And I'm in no fit condition for being up late or bowling!

Now I'm going to take my painkiller and minipill and then get ready to sleep!

Time for an update.

2010-02-26T21:47:00.002+01:00

Not much has happened really. I've been too busy doing nothing lately. I've finally started working again as of last Wednesday. It's just 50% but at least that's better than just being at home all the time. My body can't handle more work right now anyways. My husband has finally passed his driving test last Tuesday and bought a car a week ago so now both my husband and I are drivers and we have a car available. We are so going to meet the spring in different parts of Denmark and Sweden now!

I'm starting to get really annoyed with Facebook in the past few weeks, all there is these days are bugs, glitches and errors! And the slowest browser in history- Firefox, is not making my mood any better really.

Sorry all Firefox fans but FIREFOX SUCKS!

Been a while...

2010-02-11T21:43:00.002+01:00

Not much has happened since my last post, other than finally having a painkiller which works well for me along with a sleeping aid pill which can help me fall asleep if my restlessness and pain keeps me awake. Been on those pills for 2 days now (taking 3rd tonight) and I haven't felt this good in weeks really. So all good there, and I've got an appointment with a specialist for the 23rd of February so then I'll probably get to know if I have a cyst or endometriosis, or if it's something else related with being a woman which causes my pain. I know for sure I'm not pregnant anyways!

I'm so stuck with listening to Hayley Westenra (again- and I've been a fan since 2003 or 2004), her voice is just so amazing and she's still so young. Just imagine Hayley and Susan Boyle on the same stage, now that would be the performance of this millenium!

Oh and here's my current favorite song with Hayley. Lean back, relax and enjoy!

Sick of being sick!

2010-02-02T00:50:00.003+01:00

The title speaks for itself! I want to go back to work! But in my current condition it's impossible :'( It's nearly 1am here now, I'm really tired but can't sleep because it feels like I have knives in my stomach despite taking strong painkillers a few hours ago. Going to take 2 more of those painkillers soon, and start hoping for a miracle. Going to see my GP again on Wednesday, hopefully he'll know what to do next because he really doesn't know what's wrong with my stomach, and I have no idea either.

OK, just took 2 more of my painkillers, if this doesn't help I don't know what to do!

Some big changes in Restaurant City

2010-01-24T16:11:00.002+01:00

Last night I got bored and changed the layout and decorations in my restaurant in Restaurant City. All the previous snow and ice is gone, and in comes a refreshed version of my old Chinese theme restaurant, and a bigger garden than before. I'm quite happy with it, everything runs smoothly and the popularity is at max most of the time. There is room for improvement decorationwise but I will improve it little by little. I just don't want to buy too much new decorations now with the Chinese New Year coming so soon- I hope there will be Spring Festival themed decorations in Restaurant City by then. Oh well, a picture of my restaurant as of today.